Hello, it's been quite a while since I post. I've been kinda busy with everyday life, makeup job and some emotionally draining process. But there are times when I was really happy, even I even thought, could this be last forever? But life may not always happy all the time. The things you feel right now will help you one day in future, since you've experienced it and you will know what to do next time if that happens again.
Maybe it's a hormonal feeling, but my overthinking strikes. Suddenly I remembered a memory I really want to forget three years ago. That was the time when I met with him, things are going well, even too good to be true. You know you've fallen for someone when you can't even sleep even though you have work tomorrow morning, because reality is better than your dream. Things were going really well till one day he suddenly left. I think that's the mistake I learnt the most.
To be honest, in my opinion, he didn't give a proper explanation. Shouldn't I at least get a disclosure? Since then, I suffer from an emotional trauma. I don't think I would be able to like someone else anymore because I am afraid that the other person may not gonna stick around. The most hurtful thing is that, I couldn't help myself not to think there's something wrong with me even though I knew the reason may not always about me. But I can't help to blame myself for the things that didn't work according to what I want. I know, I am such a high-achiever, I want to control everything within the range of what I can do. But, I realized, there are so many things out of my control and it just takes a bit of willingness to let go and being grateful for the things that stay.
Personally, I think at least I need time to trust the other person first before giving all my heart - and to take things naturally. There's no need to make the relationship move forward forcibly. You can't force love, no matter what. But we as a human, sometimes forget to take a break, enjoy the present and wants to take things in our direction, which I really need to keep reminding myself. I think the best way is to let everything happens naturally & organically.
So, I want you to remember, if he decided not to stay, it's his fault for losing someone like you.
It may not because of you, but in reality, it has to do with him, rather than on you. Perhaps his priorities at that time is all about his career. Maybe, he doesn't want to commit to a relationship first, or maybe he just think, he can't handle someone like you because he's afraid of commitment. In whatever case, he's just not meant to be. There are things, no matter how hard you tried to make it work, if things doesn't work, it just won't work anyway.
You just need to understand that logic, accept the truth and let it go. Really.
Forget about that person and learn to love yourself. You deserve someone more than that. You know it yourself. You know that you are precious and you could always have someone who would like you the same amount as him. It's just that you perhaps need time for healing. Healing do takes time, but it's all gonna be worth it.
You have to believe that you can be happy and you will be happy, start by being grateful each day :D
"If it comes, let it come. If it stays, let it stay. If it goes, let it go. - Buddha"
