Motherhood Era

It's been almost a year since I am missing out from blogging. In fact, 2024 is my motherhood era. We welcomed the birth of our first child and as a new mom, I am still navigating how to care for a baby. 

Postpartum is a roller-coaster journey for me and many woman in this world. One moment you are so happy to hold your newborn, one moment I would feel sadness and anxious. Everything feels sore and my entire new life is feeding and staring at my baby. But my heart is full. 

I know that being a mother is difficult, but the feeling is different when I actually experienced it. No one told me how difficult to be a mother, how you have to juggling all the work (breastfeeding, you still have to eat, to take a bath but your baby is crying for you), the constant sleepless night when your baby is still newborn and when you will have time to rest. I know some people said newborn phase is short and that they will never be that small and that needy anymore. But when you are the one who has had a week of sleepless night, that feels horrible - specially you just gave birth, your body is still in recovery, your mood is imbalance, you just need help and attention from your surroundings. 

I always thought I would need caregivers for my baby. But until I experienced myself, I realized, I do not like my baby being taken away from me when she was a newborn. I wanted to care for her myself, and even though my surroundings tried to help me, I was feeling as if they are gonna take my baby away from me. To be honest, that moment is the hardest for me, and I am glad I went through it now. 

So my postpartum era is mixture of my body is still on recovery, feeling anxious that I am not good enough to be a mom, feeling unlovable - not confident with the new me, specially my postpartum body, feeling not pretty, feeling sucks, relationship changes as well. 

While I am still navigating with my motherhood era, I realized that I am too rigid with rules or information that I get. I am not really sure as whether the rules have to be applied exactly as it is or not. Sometimes with so many information and a new mom, I always find myself to be stressed out on new things related to my baby and this leads mostly to conflict with partners and caregivers. I wonder why as well. I didn't explore much on myself, but I asked chatgpt why I am like that and here's the answer that I mostly relate to: 

As a new mother, feeling rigid about feeding rules and baby care is quite common. Here are some reasons why you might feel this way:

1. Worry and Anxiety: As a new mother, you might be anxious about providing the best for your baby. Following strict guidelines can offer a sense of control and security.

2. Lack of Experience: If this is your first time being a mother, not having prior experience can make you focus more on rules and guidelines to feel more confident in caring for your baby.

3. Social Pressure and Information Overload: There is a lot of information available from social media, books, and people around you, which can be confusing or add pressure. You might feel compelled to follow specific rules to meet expectations or standards perceived as correct.

4. Uncertainty About What’s Right: There are many different ways to care for and nurture a baby, and no single method is perfect. Uncertainty about what’s right or best can make you feel more rigid in following guidelines.

5. Desire to Be a Good Mother: Wanting to give the best to your baby often makes you feel the need to adhere strictly to rules and guidelines.

To help ease these rigid feelings, consider the following tips:

1. Flexibility: Remember that every baby is unique and may need a different approach. Being flexible with rules and guidelines can make both you and your baby feel more comfortable.

2. Confidence: Trust your instincts and abilities as a mother. You know what’s best for your baby and can adjust guidelines based on what works for you and your baby.

3. Seek Support: Discuss your concerns and questions with healthcare professionals or fellow mothers. They can provide helpful perspectives and reduce feelings of pressure.

4. Education and Information: Continue learning and gathering information from reliable sources. However, feel free to adapt what you learn to fit the needs and comfort of your family.

5. Don’t Hesitate to Rest: Caring for a baby can be exhausting, so it’s important to maintain your own well-being. Taking time for yourself can help reduce stress and improve your ability to care for your baby.

Remember that motherhood is a learning journey, and there is no single right way to do it. Flexibility and patience with yourself and your baby are key to finding the right balance. 

Cheers.

Dr Cha Korean Drama Review

I was intrigued by so many raved about this korean drama on some K-pop News website and it made me curious about the story and what makes it so famous!

Turns out, this series is fun, fresh and entertaining with their comedic character. Perfect blend of comedy and drama. The story itself is somewhat a relatable topic in this generation - about an affair and how it impacts on every relationship, either as a couple, parents, children, family, friendship and also at the workplace. But on top of that topic, we also see how someone despite of their age, is trying to achieve their dream. I love this kind of storyline and it reminds me truly with Twenty Five Twenty One - story about a young athlete

and how she achieved her dreams and becomes a National Athlete figures. Surprisingly, these kind of story tells us about when we believe we can achieve something, the universe will help you path the way. 

I would really love to tell you the storyline in each episode, but let's save it, as it turns out better for you to watch it directly and feel the entertaining sensation after a hectic day at work!

The story revolves around the female lead, Cha Jeong-Suk (played by Uhm Jung-Hwa). She is married to Seo In-Ho (played by Kim Byung-Chul), who works as a chief surgeon at a university hospital. He has a strict, sensitive and thoroughgoing personality. Cha Jeong-Suk has been a full time housewife for the past 20 years, after giving up her career as a doctor during her medical resident years. After all those years, she decides to restart her medical resident course after going through almost-death liver transplant surgery. During her marriage, even though they were blessed with 2 children, but they sleep in separate bedroom. Her husband never touch her hand nor care one bit for her. He always makes complaint and cold towards her , which turns out, her husband no longer loves her and cheated on her with his first love since university life, Choi Seung-Hi (played by Myung Se Bin). 

What makes it even frustrating is that, one day when Jeong-Suk was fainted and went to Emergency Room, he was on the airport waiting to board his flight to Europe trip for holiday with his mistress, Choi Seung-Hi. Jeong-Suk told him that she was at the hospital and her blood test came out pretty bad on her liver. He asked Jeong-Suk, whether her should cancel his "conference" and came to her or not. But stupid Jeong-Suk, he believes in her husband that he's truly going for medical conference and do not want to ruin his schedule. It hurst my heart when I saw how can someone lie and not even worried when your partner, your wife is sick and in the hospital alone and yet you're still going to have some fun with your mistress. 

When Jeong-Suk starts her residency at the same hospital as her husband and Jung Min (her first-born son), In-Ho and Seung-Hi starts to do everything they can to make her quit her job at the hospital so that their affair would still be kept under the roof. However, because of her good nature, Jeong-Suk got support from the President who wishes her not to quit from the hospital, otherwise the KRW 10 billion investment on new technology for the hospital would not be injected.  

With so many effort to keep the affair under the radar, truth always wins. The shocking part is that, the affairs has already happened for many years, even maybe around 18 years. Why? Because Choi Seung-Hi had a daughter born out of wedlock and she even attends the same class with Jeong-Suk daughter. What's even more epic is that, Seung-Hi's daughter purposely approached Jeong-Suk's daughter at the academy because she is jealous and wants to have her Dad for her. 

In-Ho claimed that the affair happened when he had his residency in the U.S. and when he came back, he just learnt that Seung-Hi was pregnant and never thought she would keep the baby. Yet, they continued the communication three years ago when Seung-Hi opted to move to Korea. And that doesn't even make sense. It sucks to know that the affairs have been for so long, resulting in something unethical and yet, he kept maintaining two families. How hurtful. I even want to vomit. 

When Jeong-Suk confronted Seung-Hi and In-Ho about the affair and how she's the home-wrecker, Seung-Hi did not even feel guilty, instead she said she's the first whom In-Ho loves when they are in the college and it was Jeong-Suk who stole In-Ho from her, for being suddenly pregnant with In-Ho's child. Well, the fault is actually in In-Ho for being a jerk. How could he made her got pregnant in the first place? Seung-Hi said, this is the retribution and the price Jeong-Suk had to pay for stealing his man. But what she did not realize is that, by doing this action, it leads to her own daughter unhappiness - because she grows up without a Dad figures and Seung-Hi action could not be compared to Jeong-Suk because In-Ho was already married and why snatched someone who's already married? That's purposely unethical and her action cannot be justified. 

With the truth finally came out, let's see what's gonna happen with Cha Jeong-Suk relationship and what choice she made for her own happiness. Can she divorced him for the lied or will she forgive him for what he did? 

Let's see what's gonna happen next :D See ya!

The One Who Loves You MOST

No matter how tired they are after work, with their willingness, they will come and pick me up. 

No matter how hard my day goes, they will be there to cheer me up. 

With no matter how I need help, they will be thete for me. 

I guess, the one who loves me the most, is my parents. 

My mom who always takes care of me, take care of my health, my mental state, and everything about me. 

I guess, I'll never pay back all their loves, all their effort on me. 

But I swear God, I'll never disappoint them in any way. Whatever they need, I'll be there. 

No matter how tired I am later, I will still come to visit them.

It brings me tears when I thought about getting married and has to leavc home, leave my parents. 

I know that's the thing that has to be done. 

But I dunno whether I'm really prepared for that. 

I'll miss my mom and my dad the most. 

In any case, I'll always remember I am precious child of my parents

I don't deserve to be treated badly. 

But with marriage itself, you bond with someone, your soulmate.

That is your closest life friend, your place to hold on, your place to share all your feelings and that's your safe place. Your HOME. 

There's someone who wait for you everyday at your new home and that's something beautiful as well. 

And that's what it is called family. 

Be grateful when you still have your parents and your loved ones. 

That Love Letter

At the age of 24 years old, I thought a lot about what's the meaning of marriage - whether I would get married to someone and whether I was ready for marriage back then. Even though I haven't met someone at that time, but the thought of marriage is quite burdensome for me - because I was not prepared to care for someone else nor build a family. But one thing for sure is that, I want to get married to someone who I want to spend the rest of my life with - the one I feel connected to, the one whom I can talk many things with, the one who always stay by my side through many life challenge. 

I've said many times before, I've always wanted to meet someone who shares the same value & connection as me, who's capable of taking the responsibility to love someone, and who's mature enough to be able to lead me. And that value remains the same up till now. 

As the time approaches soon, I take a time to digest all of the process and all of the things that happened the past three years, how I met that man I've been dreaming of, and how I decided to spend my life with that man. 

And by putting our relationship first and always consistent in loving me, that's what I am always grateful for. 

"My dear honey, 

There are no words to describe how happy I feel right now. I never imagined that you would become the ‘better half’ of me. Do you remember how we first met? That was few days after my birthday and that's when I asked God to lead me to meet my soulmate. Thank you for meeting me at the right time. After our first meeting, I started looking forward to weekends to be able to see you. 

You gave meaning to my life, and I cannot thank you enough for being who you are and accepting me the way I am. Thank you for loving me consistently and always make our relationship a priority. You have seen me through the best and worst phases of life and have always been my pillar of strength and reason to smile. 

I cannot promise the world to you, but I certainly can promise to keep loving you with all my heart. 

I cannot promise that we will never fight, but I can promise to kiss and make up with you after every fight. Thank you for coming into my life and filling it with beautiful colors. You mean the world to me. I love you with all my heart and hope to be the best wife ever to you. 

Let’s share our days and nights to build a strong and beautiful life together. I am so excited for this adventure that we begin today and to call you my husband. 

See you at the altar,

Lishea (your sweetcold)

Quotes to include:

“I Love You Yesterday, I love you still, I always have, I always will.”

MRT & Penyelidikan Kanonik

Sebelumnya, saya membuat tulisan ini, untuk membantu teman-teman yang ingin menikah secara Katolik, sehingga step-by-step dalam mengurus pendaftaran pernikahan secara Katolik menjadi lebih terarah dan lebih mudah. 

Pertama, pastinya harus sudah menentukan tanggal pernikahan. Mengapa? Karena untuk booking Gereja, diperlukan tanggal pasti. Mengingat pernikahan di Indonesia ini cukup ramai, ada baiknnya mengecek ke Gereja apakah tanggal pernikahan tersebut masih available/tidak dan apakah sudah bisa di booking. 

Kedua, jika tanggal pernikahan sudah pasti, book administrasi Gereja dimana tempat kalian akan melangsungkan pernikahan & membayar biaya minimal untuk pemberkatan pernikahan. Biasanya, pernikahan dapat dilangsungkan di salah satu Paroki pihak cowok ataupun cewek. Apabila pernikahan dilakukan di Paroki yang berbeda, setau saya, biasanya akan ada pelimpahan pemberkatan ke Paroki yang ditunjuk. Namun, administrasi tetap harus dilakukan di Paroki asal. Dokumen-dokumen bisa dilengkapi menyusul setelah MRT dilakukan. 

Jika kedua step ini sudah dilakukan, selanjutnya mari kita mulai dari yang mudah terlebih dahulu. Seluruh proses dibawah ini, hanya dapat dilakukan maksimal 6 (enam) bulan sebelum hari pernikahan. Misalkan, tanggal pernikahan adalah 31 Juli, maka proses dibawah ini paling cepat dilakukan pada 31 Januari. Mengapa demikian? Karena proses ini menjadi syarat di Gereja dan hanya dapat dilakukan dalam jangka waktu tersebut. 

1. Book jadwal Kursus Persiapan Pernikahan atau disebut juga Membangun Rumah Tangga ("MRT") 

Jadwal MRT setiap tahunnya akan terupdate pada website Keuskupan Agung Jakarta ataupun pada instagram KAJ. Biasanya jadwal tersebut akan di post pada akhir tahun, untuk jadwal 1 tahun kedepan. Selain itu, kalian juga bisa menanyakan ke Sekretariat Paroki masing-masing kapan jadwal MRT ada di Paroki tersebut. Sebagai informasi, MRT tidak harus dilakukan pada Paroki asal, bisa dilakukan di Paroki manapun (ada Offline/Online).

Sebelum mendaftar, sebaiknya ditanyakan ke Panitia MRT tersebut apakah kuota MRT masih ada dan sebutkan rencana tanggal pernikahan kalian dan apakah dapat mengikuti MRT sesuai dengan jadwal Paroki tersebut. Konfirmasikan dengan Panitia MRT apakah kalian dapat mengikuti MRT tersebut (maksimal 6 bulan sebelum hari pernikahan). Contoh: apabila kalian akan menikah pada 31 October, maka MRT paling cepat dilakukan pada 30 April. Jika sudah, maka lengkapi dokumen-dokumen yang disyaratkan untuk MRT. 

Important Note: MRT diwajibkan dilakukan dalam 1 tempat, secara berpasangan. Jika online, tetap harus dalam 1 frame yang sama/1 tempat. Tidak boleh berbeda tempat. Kelas MRT biasanya berlangsung 2/3 hari (tergantung masing-masing Paroki) dengan durasi 1 hari full

(8 pagi - 5/6 sore)

Kenapa sih harus berada di 1 tempat yang sama? Soalnya di MRT itu akan ada beberapa pertanyaan yang mengharuskan kalian untuk berdiskusi dengan pasangan masing-masing, sehingga dengan berada pada 1 tempat, diskusi menjadi lebih terarah dan dapat saling memahami masing-masing. 

MRT ini juga tidak mewajibkan kedua pasangan adalah Katolik. Apabila salah satu ada yang berbeda agama, juga bisa ikut MRT ini. Namun, terkait dengan perbedaan agama - ini akan dikupas lebih jauh pada topik MRT, salah satu contohnya, bagaimana pendidikan anak kemudian, nah itu perlu dibicarakan masing2 pasangan ya. FYI, materi dalam MRT ini akan dibawakan dalam tata cara dan hukum Gereja Katolik. Materi dari kursus tersebut seputar tentang pengenalan diri, ekonomi, sex, kehidupan berkeluarga, dan perencanaan masa depan.

Dokumen-dokumen (masing-masing Paroki bisa ada penyesuaian) - bisa berupa fotokopi/scan:

• Surat Baptis - jika Katolik/Kristen (surat baptis disini tidak perlu yang telah diperbaharui)
• KTP masing-masing peserta  
• Foto Sendiri atau Foto Berdampingan 4x6 (ini akan ditempel pada Sertifikat MRT) - lihat ketentuan masing2 paroki. Ada yang minta foto berdampingan dengan background merah. Ada juga paroki yang minta foto berdampingan tanpa ketentuan background. Tanyakan ke Panitia MRT ya. Jika diminta foto sendiri, artinya setelah pendaftaran MRT, Panitia akan meminta pasangan untuk foto berdampingan sebelum MRT dimulai dan Panitia MRT yang akan print foto tersebut untuk ditempelkan pada Sertifikat MRT.
• Surat Domisili/Keterangan Domisili apabila peserta berasal dari luar Paroki tempat MRT (asli)

Selain itu, wajib membayar biaya MRT - biasa kisaran Rp 200.000 - Rp 500.000/pasangan tergantung masing-masing Paroki. Setelah dikonfirmasi oleh Panitia MRT, maka jadwal MRT tersebut wajib diikuti selama 2 hari full. Panitia MRT akan mengirimkan buku MRT/peserta mengambil buku MRT ke Paroki sebelum acara MRT dilakukan. 

Seluruh pertanyaan dalam buku MRT wajib diisi, karena Romo Paroki akan mengecek sebelum sertifikat telah melakukan MRT dikeluarkan. Btw, pertanyaan pada buku MRT itu bagus banget kok, karena membantu kita untuk mempersiapkan kehidupan perkawinan - bagaimana ekspektasi kita dalam hidup perkawinan, tanggung jawab dalam hidup perkawinan, bagaimana tata cara liturgi pemberkatan dalam perkawinan Katolik, serta mengupas karakter dan prinsip hidup masing-masing. Enjoy!

2. Dapatkan Sertifikat MRT setelah melakukan kursus MRT

Segera, setelah MRT dilakukan, dapatkan sertifikat MRT yang sudah ditanda tangani oleh Romo. Fotokopi Sertifikat MRT tersebut, karena sertifikat ini yang menjadi dasar dokumen pendaftaran perkawinan. 

3. Lengkapi syarat-syarat pendaftaran pernikahan

Apa itu "Penyelidikan Kanonik"? Ibarat kata bagi agama Katolik, buat yang mau menikah di gereja, bakalan di-interview untuk pertama dan terakhir kali nya, oleh Pastor yang berwenang, agar sakramen perkawinan yang diberikan sifat nya sah. Penyelidikan kanonik dilaksanakan selambat-lambatnya 2 (dua) bulan sebelum pelaksanaan perkawinan dengan syarat membawa semua dokumen-dokumen yang disyaratkan oleh Paroki. 

Jangan takut dengan kata penyelidikan, karena ini hanya berupa wawancara dengan pastor/romo mengenai kesiapan kedua calon pengantin untuk memasuki tahap pernikahan yang sesungguhnya. Biasanya sang pastor/romo akan bertanya mengenai kesiapan batin dan mental masing-masing pasangan dalam memasuki kehidupan rumah tangga.

Sebagai informasi, pendaftaran pernikahan dan penyelidikan kanonik biasanya dilakukan di Paroki calon pengantin wanita. Jika kedua pasangan Katolik dan apabila pemberkatan pernikahan dilakukan di Paroki calon pengantin pria, maka tidak menjadi masalah. Yang pasti pendafataran pertama kali dan penyelidikan kanonik wajib diserahkan kepada Paroki calon pengantin wanita. Jika nanti sudah selesai penyelidikan kanonik, maka dari Paroki perempuan akan memberikan surat pelimpahan dan keterangan bahwa kanonik telah dilangsungkan dan pemberkatan akan dilakukan pada Paroki calon pengantin pria.  Akan tetapi jika kedua mempelai ingin diberkati di Gereja yang bukan asal dari masing-masing, maka dibutuhkan surat pengantar dari Kepala Pastor Paroki setempat agar bisa “numpang” nikah di gereja yang dipilih. 

Apabila pernikahan berbeda agama, maka penyelidikan kanonik bisa dilakukan di Paroki calon pasangan yang beragama Katolik. 

Syarat-syarat pendafataran pernikahan dan penyelidikan kanonik:

1. Surat Baptis yang diperbaharui (6 bln terakhir) untuk masing-masing pasangan. Jika Baptis dilakukan di Paroki yang berbeda, maka minta ke Sekretariat tempat kamu dibaptis pertama kali. Surat Baptis terupdate akan diterbitkan dengan menyatakan status LIBER/tidak. LIBER artinya bebas (belum pernah menikah). 
2. Fotokopi KTP masing-masing. Jika yang beragama lain selain Katolik, perlu melampirkan fotokopi KTP 2 orang saksi  yang menyatakan kebenaran belum menikah. 
3. Fotokopi Kartu Keluarga Gereja Katolik untuk masing-masing pasangan. 
4. Surat Pengantar dari Ketua Lingkungan untuk masing-masing pasangan. 
5. Surat Pengantar dari Paroki jika dari luar Paroki (untuk calon pengantin pria) - yang dimaksud adalah surat keterangan domisili sih... cuma bahasanya aja bikin bingung ya. 
6. Fotokopi Sertifikat Membangun Rumah Tangga
7. Foto 4x6 berdampingan, latar belakang merah sebanyak 4 lembar (dikonfirmasi ke masing2 Paroki)
8. Formulir Pendaftaran Perkawinan (dimintakan ke Sekretariat Paroki)
9. Formulir identitas saksi upacara perkawinan (dimintakan ke Sekretariat Paroki). Saksi disini wajib pasangan suami istri yang beragama Katolik dan sudah menikah secara Katolik, serta telah menerima Sakramen Inisiasi (Baptis, Komuni dan Krisma/Penguatan)
10. Fotokopi KTP Saksi 
11. Fotokopi Surat Perkawinan Saksi (Gereja & Sipil)

4. Penyelidikan Kanonik

Menyerahkan dokumen-dokumen pendaftaran Gereja ke Sekretariat Paroki dan menunggu jadwal Kanonik dengan Romo. Jika jadwal Kanonik dengan Romo sudah ada, maka persiapkan hati dan datanglah berdua bersama dengan pasangan pada waktu yang ditentukan. 

Untuk kamu yang memiliki pasangan non-Katolik, kamu harus menyediakan 2 saksi pada saat penyelidikan Kanonik. Saksi tersebut harus benar-benar mengenal calon pengantin non-Katolik agar bisa menjelaskan bahwa orang tersebut belum pernah menikah dan tidak sedang terkena halangan menikah atau halangan-halangan pernikahan lainnya.

Nah pertanyaan apa aja sih yang ditanyakan saat penyelidikan kanonik dan berapa lama? 

Sejujurnya, yang saya baca2 di internet sih pada bilang cuma kayak ngobrol2 doang kok, paling lama juga 15 menit. Tapi semua itu bohong. Hahaha. Gak deh, bercanda, mungkin tergantung masing-masing Paroki ya. Ada yang lama, mungkin ngobrolnya keasikan, ada yang sebentar. Tidak ada batasan waktu yang pasti sih pastinya.

Pada case kami, Kanonik dibagi menjadi 3 tahap; interview Romo dengan calon pengantin priam interview Romo dengan calon pengantin wanita, dan interview Romo bersama kedua calon pengantin. Kebetulan, pasangan saya memerlukan waktu sekitar 1 jam untuk proses Kanonik. Apa saja yang ditanya? Sebelum interview dimulai, Romo akan meminta kita bersumpah dengan tangan kanan diatas Alkitab, bahwa seluruh jawaban adalah jawaban yang jujur. Pertanyaan masing-masing mungkin akan berbeda, tapi intinya sama seharusnya. Tujuannya untuk mengetahui pendapat masing-masing pasangan, apakah sudah benar-benar yakin sekaligus Romo akan cross check jawaban masing-masing.

• Pertanyaan General (Nama, Lahir, Umur) - untuk memastikan bahwa orang yang di interview memang adalah orang yang tepat 
• Apakah sudah pernah menikah sebelumnya?
• Apakah pernah berhubungan seksual sebelum pernikahan?
• Apakah memiliki hubungan darah? 
• Sudah berapa lama kenal dengan calon? Kenal dimana dengan calon?
• Apakah hal yang kamu kuatirkan dengan calon?
• Apakah kamu sudah yakin dan menyanggupi untuk menikah dengan calon yang ini?
• Apa sih ciri-ciri perkawinan Katolik?
• Apa saja modal kamu untuk tetap setia dan bertahan pada perkawinan Katolik?
• Tujuan dari perkawinan itu apa? 

Sisanya lebih ke arah perkawinan secara katolik itu dinyatakan sah apabila ada syarat-syarat apa saja. Selain itu Romo lebih mengajak dan menekankan pentingnya keterbukaan dalam keluarga, khususnya dengan anak, apabila sudah ada anak, wajib membuat rumah yang nyaman, dimana anak bisa dekat dengan orang tuanya. Ini sih yang paling saya ingat, karena Romo bercerita, saat ini banyak orang tua yang kewalahan dengan anaknya. 

Endingnya, saya disuruh tanda tangan di berkas pemeriksaan kanonik saya, dokumen yang ga boleh dibuka oleh siapapun juga, dan itu super-super top secret. Soal cocok-nggak-nya pasangan yang mau nikah, Gereja sendiri tidak akan menyelidiki begitu detail. Paling hanya ditambahkan ke berkas sebagai notes saja yang akan dibaca oleh Romo yang akan memberikan sakramen pernikahan. Pada intinya, perjuangan untuk bisa menikah di Gereja Katolik sudah super duper panjang, yang mana membuat orang yang mau nikah pasti akan mikir 100x untuk nikah kali kedua.

Jika Romo sudah memberikan approval bahwa pemberkatan pernikahan dapat dilakukan, tugas kalian selanjutnya yaitu, membuat Buku Liturgi Perkawinan.

5. Membuat Buku Liturgi Perkawinan

Teks Liturgi Perkawinan dapat diminta ke Sekretariat Gereja/Paroki dimana pemberkatan akan dilangsungkan. Dokumen penyelidikan kanonik tersebut juga akan dikirimkan ke Gereja tempat kalian akan menikah disertai surat pengantar bahwa penyelidikan kanonik telah dilangsungkan, apabila kalian menikah bukan di Paroki asal. 

Untuk teks liturgi, saran saya, wajib bertemu & berkonsultasi dengan Romo yang akan memberkati.

Kalian juga harus mempersiapkan pilihan bacaan liturgi, bacaan injil, serta lagu koor.

Jika sudah fix, buku liturgi dapat difinalisasi untuk dicetak. 

6. Terakhir, tentukan petugas Liturgi Gereja: Lektris, Doa Umat, Petugas Koor

Biasanya akan ada gladi bersih dari Gereja 1-2 hari sebelum pemberkatan pernikahan, dimana Calon Pengantin, Orang Tua, Saksi dan petugas liturgi diwajibkan hadir untuk dapat melakukan gladi bersih. 

Demikian tata cara pernikahan secara Katolik. Semoga teman-teman yang sedang mempersiapkan pernikahan dapat terbantu dengan informasi ini. 

WE DID IT TOGETHER!

It took quite a while to remember all the happy days during the past three years together - while the hurtful moments stays vividly for quite some time. We always focuses more on memories that left a big impact on us. If I could go back in time, maybe I would tell myself not to focus on the hurtful things instead on my attitude towards positive view. 

That relationship is my first one ever. I, who had past traumas of being ghosted many times had made a hole in my self-esteem, produced insecurity either physically or mentally, and had trust issue. I never learn how to be vulnerable, to be open and to say my opinions too. I am always afraid of being judged not good enough, not cheerful enough, not lovable enough, not enjoyable enough, not beautiful enough, not sexy enough, and afraid of being left off without any explanation. 

I spent many years on self-love, trying to give myself a break, to care for my own needs and to know what's best for myself. I become the best version of me. I give vibes on who I am when I first met that person. It didn't take a while for us to date each other seriously. I know, from the first time, he is always serious with me and like me for who I really am - and that's what I am always grateful for, for his straight-forward attitude, being open and true, having vision on our relationship. 

Along the way, I caught up with comparison disease. Always comparing my relationship with what I see on social media. I always thought that's the indication of normal and that's what it should be - never more, never less. However, my boyfriend is not a romantic kind of guy. He is cool, never compliment me, but always stay true to what he means to say. It took me quite a while to get used to it - of course, there were times when I made a complaint why he never bought me flowers, compliment how I dress or being romantic for once. But, that's him. Whatever how many times I make complaint, he's always him, never change. To be honest, when I am sane enough, I prefer a guy who is more of an actionable kind of guy, rather than a guy with only sweet words. I am not an influencer and I do not have any obligation to show the world how in love my boyfriend with me. There are things that is best to keep private. 

Sometimes, when my period came, I became more sensitive and emotional. There were times I do not love myself and thought about what I lack as a person. It stirred my insecurity, moreover when my boyfriend never compliments me, it took a big toll on me, specially on my insecurity, whether I am good enough, whether my boyfriend really love me, whether he is serious with me. However, my boyfriend never compares me and still love me specially on time when I do not love and even understand myself. Thanks, honey. 

Perhaps some people would be similar to me as in, while being in a relationship, I do not make room nor chance for a break-up (which in fact what I am afraid the most). I always want to strive my best in everything. I want everything to workout. But during the first 6 months of relationship, we didn't know what could happen right? It is not under our control, but as I am a control-freak, I wanted to make sure every bits of our relationship could last and move to the next level. With my idealism, I caught up with what I always thought it should be and didn't make room for other options. It was hard for me to deal with my idealism at that time - until finally I learnt it the hard way. I knew I was too naïve for wanting something according to my idealistic view. Besides, I am also prone to overthink. Once overthinking strikes, my brain could make a lot of possible stories which induced what I am afraid of. Overthinking kills your happiness. 

After many, many, and many arguments and reconciliation, I become a better person right now. I went through trauma healing as well getting to know myself even better. The most important thing I guess is communication. Deep communication between the couple to let their opinions out. I learnt not to assume and let my imagination run wild. I learnt to put myself in his shoes. I learnt to manage my expectation and see the bright sight in everything. I learnt to put a stop on my overthinking self and see the present situation now. My boyfriend also learnt something, to always communicate clearly what he wants too. That way, no matter how many challenges come to us, we are always hand-in-hand together. Nothing beats us, nothing affects us. With many challenges and along with the time, our feeling and trust grows. We become each other's best supporter and company. 

Right after 2 years after our relationship, he proposed to me officially. Actually, after 6 months of dating, we talked about getting married, how much we should prepare for it and within how long we could afford it. In the first place, we talk about 3 years duration as we could not afford to pay for a grand wedding. Yet, I proposed to hold an intimate wedding in 2 years duration, rather than waiting for millions, yet the wedding price slowly increases year by year. Sadly, pandemic hits us hard - no wedding celebration was allowed and we are still unsure as to when the pandemic will end. No one can be sure of it. If we postponed the wedding until the situation gets better, we lost a lot of time too. We knew time is precious, as our age also increases, our parents too. It's better to go forward with the wedding instead of waiting for something we don't know, while everyone is here as well. Thus, with a lot of discussion, we decided to get married. 

The journey may not be easy, like you just go to the civil registration to get your marriage be done there. We need religious blessing, specially Catholic Blessing, there were some criteria to be done. Besides, we both were looking for a place to stay. 

Started off from looking for a place to live after getting married - we filtered out area in Jakarta and decided to choose between 2 areas, near his house of mine. Mine is not in cluster area, thus more of a traditional residential area. Maybe the girls are like me - I do not want to live too far from my current home, so that I can see my parents once in a while. But the land price near my home is surprisingly expensive - while there were no facilities around the area. 

The story of looking for a place to stay had a little bit of drama. At that time, we do not have enough money for down payment, which make it impossible to get married and also have a house. So I suggested to live with our parents first. If his home could not afford one more person, then we could live in my parent's home. But as his principle is different than mine, he strived on looking for a place. Meanwhile, I almost gave up and couldn't handle the situation well. I questioned why we have to live near his home, but not mine. Even though, I am aware of the logic behind it, but the explanation was not satisfying because at that time, I wanted to be appreciated and my opinion to be taken into account. I do not mind actually if I need to live near his home. Not because his home are there, but the area itself is more convenient with facilities nearby. It took us quite a while before we reached an agreement and found a suitable place for us to live. Thank God, we found a good one, good place, good deal and good price. 

The next ordeal is to decide the venue and most of the Chinese tradition. I thought by meetings two families, the official proposal from the family would be there. But again, learn to control my expectation. When two families met, they just got to know each other without saying the intention of the meeting, which of course made us very confused. We decided to make every process a bit more simple by not having Sangjit/Engagement ceremony. But due to lack of communication between me, my boyfriend and his family, there were misunderstanding along the way. By then, we knew, the problem was mostly because of communication - how we tell our parents and how we connect the two families into one. That's the real challenge because each families may have their own traditions and expectations. Both of our parents actually do not have much opinion on the wedding itself. They both let us handle it the way we want - what takes more effort is about the first meeting between families and how we should introduce both families. Should we hold onto traditions or just let it go. But we just follow what parents want if that is about traditions. After that, we decided the venue after so much consideration while thinking what WE really wants. 

To reach the goal, the journey may not be easy, specially for Catholic Holy Matrimony, as I need to take catechumen to study about Catholic for 8-9 months before getting baptized. That one took a period from April 2021 till January 2022. I, who never know the process, had to call each Church to ask for the schedule. Some of them are closed but I finally found one. After that, to process our religious blessing ceremony, we need to book a Church for our holy matrimony blessing. But the process does not end there - we need to apply for marriage class program or we call it "Membangun Rumah Tangga (MRT)" at the maximum 6 months before the wedding date. We wanted to finish our wedding planning, yet for Church administration can only be done from 6 months towards the big day. How crazy it was, while we have a lot to handle. 

The MRT class was for 2 full days from morning till evening. After that, we need to file for administration purposes for marriage to the Church by submitting several documentation. That documentation has to go through several steps, from updated baptized certificate, until statement letter from the neighborhood's leader. After the Church received the file, they will book a date for Canonic with a priest. Canonic is like an investigation by the priest, whether we can be blessed for Catholic marriage or not. The priest will ask question regarding the couple and each had to answer honestly. Long process, right? But yeah, we did it TOGETHER and we get the approval to get married. 

To be honest, during that long process and wedding preparation, there were times that I get so stress - what's stressful is how to blend two families into one. Marriage is not only about the union of two people, but also union of two families. When I look back, maybe because I thought long already and wanted to get things done, but the family hasn't even thought about it. So, that's why communication is really important during wedding preparation, I believe.  We have our own expectation but also our parents. I learnt how to communicate what I want and manage my parents expectation as well. 

There will be times when things are complicated, because both of us manage a lot of things during wedding preparation. Besides in our case, we also manage house renovation, while we both do not understand one bit about construction, thus we learn something new as well. We had our own works, yet have to organize many things, of course there will be some stressful moment. I guess, what my friend said is true - there will be moments when you guys lack of quality time together, had arguments on wedding preparation, or extreme case, even about postponing the wedding reception. All of that could happen, but remember what's important is that you want to get married to your soulmate and spend the rest of your life with him/her. And that's the most important one. Instead of focusing on arguments, it's better to enjoy the moment because it's once in a lifetime experience on wedding preparation. Try to find a time for quality time and talk things heart to heart. 

It's happening! Hopefully the wedding will go smoothly, Amen.  

Cheers~

Twenty Five Twenty-One: The Best Korean Drama 2022

Twenty-Five Twenty-One (Korean: 스물다섯 스물하나; RR: Seumuldaseot Seumulhana) is a 2022 South Korean television series directed by Jung Ji-hyun and starring Kim Tae Ri, Nam Joo Hyuk, Bona, Choi Hyun Wook and Lee Joo Myung. The series depicts the romantic lives of five characters spanning from the year of 1998 to 2021.

In 1998, Na Hee Do (played by Kim Tae Ri) is a member of the school fencing team at Seonjung Girls' High School, but due to the IMF crisis, the team is disbanded. To continue pursuing her passion, she transfers to Taeyang High School and later manages to become a member of the National Fencing Team. Baek Yi Jin’s (played by Nam Joo-hyuk) family goes from "riches to rags" and are separated due to the financial crisis. He is forced to take up several part-time jobs and later becomes a sports reporter. In time when dreams seem out of reach, a teen fencer pursues big ambitions and meets a hardworking young man who seeks to rebuild his life. At ages 22 and 18, they say each other's names for the first time, and at ages 25 and 21, they fall in love.

What surprisingly good about this drama, is not only about romantic lives of the young teenagers. The story begins when Na Hee Do Na, a once-fencing prodigy, struggles to prove to herself and others that she can reach her full potential after her school’s fencing team disbanded due to the 1997 Asian financial crisis. After Na’s mother and coach urge her to quit fencing, Na embarks on a journey to prove them wrong. The story follows a naive and determined Na as she does everything in her power to become the rival of  Ko Yu Rim (played by Bona), a South Korean gold medalist champion. Na’s younger mentality is showcased when she goes as far as doing illegal activities to get expelled from school so she can transfer to the school Ko attends. Her reckless actions are the core of why she has failed in fencing for so many years. 

Na’s love interest, Baek, also suffered from the financial crisis after his father’s business went bankrupt, leaving him to fend for himself. He secures a job delivering newspapers for his town, where he meets Na for the first time. Baek is also very young and comes off as cold and a killjoy, but unlike Na, he is an over-thinker who believes his mission is to work hard to rebuild his family’s reputation. 

On the surface, the plot of this drama is a love story between Na and Baek, who always seem to run into each other. The two can’t stand each other at the beginning of their relationship as Na is still very young and reckless, however, Baek, who was forced to grow up quickly and carry his family’s burden, becomes drawn to Na’s careless attitude. But actually this drama tells more than just a love story. It tells us about hardships, finding motivation despite how the situation throws us, friendship, family and growth. During the story, Na always tries her best to do everything she could to pursue her dreams and as she progressed gradually one by one, she gets more matured and wins many gold medal as an athlete. She also gets to compete with Ko Yu Rim, her long-time rivals which turns to be her best friend later on. 

It’s a refreshing take on a youthful love story too if we think from the romantic perspective. But this drama doesn’t aim for a picture-perfect ending between both protagonists like other Korean dramas often do. Instead, it centers on the characters’ coming of age. Because the series jumps between the present and the past, viewers get the sense from the beginning that Na and Baek do not end up together. With this in mind, it helps the story dive further into the development of Na and Baek’s relationship. Instead of focusing on a happy ending, it prepares the audience for a heartbreaking, yet realistic end, reminding us that some relationships are not meant to last forever.  The couple hit their breaking points after Baek scored a job as a reporter. In the beginning, he is naive and tries to make things work with Na, but he soon faces an ethical dilemma as a reporter dating a professional athlete. Still, as the couple tries to make it work, they are warned plenty of times that Baek’s career will cause the fall of their relationship. 

Throughout the relationship, there is a lot of growth from both protagonists. Na matures enough to reach her ultimate goal of winning more than one victory against her fencing idol. Baek hits a turning point in his career when he is sent out to New York City to cover the 9/11 attacks. Eventually, he is offered the news anchor position that Na’s mother once held. We also see how the communication in family is important as Na finally reconciled with her mother too.  

I really like this kind of story, whereby there are many meaningful reminders: 

1. Pursue Our Dreams 

This story tells us how important it is to have grit and perseverance in pursuing our dreams even though dreams seem out of reach. What we call passion starts from what activity you find fun to do it. This story doesn't always tell about pursuing our dreams, because I remember an athlete who tried to quit fencing because she doesn't find it fun anymore. She wants to quit fencing and learn how to bake - which eventually it resonates with me how someone's passion may not always be the same. We could always find our passion in everything we do, yet before deciding to do it, we should always have grit and perseverance on what we really want to try and try our best to do it, not half-heartedly. 

2. Life Lesson

With the situation throws at the couple, we learn that life can not always go as what we expect. If we lose and getting disappointed, we can try to laugh at our tragedy, so that we can forget and move forward. That's the lesson I learnt during the whole story.

Besides, growth doesn't go significantly, instead it goes like a stair - there will be steady growth and at one point, the growth will increase and you will finally reach the top. 

I hope a lot of K-drama will have more stories like this. 

Cheers

Closing 2021 with Faith and Hope

Thinking back on what has happened in 2021 brings me back a lot of memories. Some of them are good memories, yet some of them may not always be good. I had a conversation with my best friend about closing 2021, I told her, I wish I could drink a sip of forgetful magic that could wash away all those feelings and memories. 

2021 starts with an invitation to take my current relationship to the next level. We were thinking about getting married, with a budget in our mind and things to prepare. Yet, due to pandemics and my Mother got infected with COVID-19 plus, there is not vaccine yet for the pandemic - we thought it might not be a good idea to hold a wedding in 2021. We like to have our guest to enjoy the party without using mask and can enjoy the dinner as well. Besides with that thought, we also in need of financial preparation, including place to live later on. 

During those process, there were few issues we had to address, and like any other relationship, we had our ups and down, arguments, excitements, reconciliation and forgiveness. Starting with financial issues regarding the place to live. The good part is that we found a house in Kelapa Gading with pretty fair price to get a loan from the Bank. Second, the venue for our wedding reception is gonna be held outside of Jakarta - which in fact, we did many research on place, budget and also price offered. We wants what we always dream about getting married to be realize this time. 

Eitherway, with our journey to take this relationship seriously, we want to close 2021 and open 2022 with an open heart, a grateful heart because we are blessed to find each other no matter what challenges come to us. So here we are, closing 2021 with faith and hope that tomorrow is gonna be a good day. 

Marriage and How To Start it Right

Marriage has a meaning of legally or formally recognized union of two people as partners in a personal relationship (historically and in some jurisdictions specifically a union between a man and a woman).

In our culture, an Indonesian marriage has three components: civil, religious, and a celebration which follows regional customs and traditions. Before the civil registration, we need to hold a religious blessing which eventually becomes the basis for the marriage registration. The religious blessing will be in accordance with the couple's religious view. 

With marriage right now more focused on the celebration or we called it 'wedding reception', we often forget on what really matters - about the marriage itself. What kind of attitude we should be prepared on welcoming the new phase? Are we prepared enough mentally to be married? 

There are three principles of marriage as taught in Catholic; 

1. Marriage Is a Divine Institution Given by God as a Part of the Created Order.

2. Marriage Is the Union of a Man and a Woman to Become One Flesh.
3. Marriage is for Life and meant to last for a lifetime. No Divorce. It is monogam dan indissolubile.

from Brides.com

For Catholics, marriage, also known as holy matrimony, is considered a religious sacrament and it often involves specific, time-honored rituals. Before couples can get approved for a Catholic wedding, they may be required to submit certain documents, participate more in church activities, and go through an intensive marriage preparation process with a priest. The major portion of the marriage preparation is to sit down and to get into what the church teaches about marriage. In our diocese it’s a six-month required waiting period. There’s a whole program of marriage preparation directed towards the couple examining certain areas in their lives that they hadn’t before. Some of it is also the technical, canonical, or legal aspects necessary for the church. In the Catholic faith, the church is considered a sacred place where Christ is present, and since matrimony is believed to be a covenant with God, the only place a wedding ceremony can be administered is indoors, inside a church "to emphasize the sanctity of the ceremony itself. So unlike many other religious and civil ceremonies, Catholic weddings do not allow outdoor venues.

With such a length process, we are taught on what marriage is and how we start it right. When we commit our lives to Jesus, we become His disciples here on earth. We are called to be a light to the world, to follow His example of living, to love, to serve, to care, to be generous. We become God’s earthly representatives. Or as Mother Theresa puts it, we become “God’s love letter” to our spouse. 

A good friend of mine, who's married for 2 years now, introduces me to this book, "The Meaning of Marriage" by Timothy Keller and "Starting Your Marriage Right" by Dennis & Barbara Rainey.

Actually what surprised me is that, "You Never Marry The Right Person", when I read this statement, it made me feel what's with all the fuss about finding the one and such? I realized the actual meaning is that actually our expectations, the self-fulfillment ethic that assumes marriage and the family are primarily institution of personal fulfillment, necessary for us to become "whole" and happy. 

We always assume that there will be someone just right for us to marry and that if we look closely enough, we will find the right person - and this assumption overlooks a crucial aspect to marriage. It fails to appreciate the fact that we always marry the wrong person. Even if we marry the right person, give some time, maybe he/she will change...and we are not always the same person, we do not know what we would be in the future. The thing that we need to learn is how to love and care for the stranger to whom you find yourself married.

Over the years, we will go through seasons in which we have to learn to love a person who we didn't marry, who is something of a stranger. You will have to make changes that you don't want to make, so will your spouse. The journey may eventually take you into a stronger, tender, joyful marriage. But it is not because you married the perfectly compatible person - THAT person didn't exist. No one is perfect and we should accept that. 

In any relationship, there will be frightening spells in which your feelings of love seem to dry up. And when that happens, you must remember that the essence of a marriage is that it is a covenant, a commitment, a promise of future love. So what do you do? 

You do the acts of love, despite your lack of feeling. You may not feel tender, sympathetic, and eager to please, but in your actions, you must be tender, understanding, forgiving and helpful. And, if you do that, as time goes on, you will not only get through the dry spells, but they will become less frequent and deep, and you will become more constant in your feelings. This is what can happen if you decide to love. We live in the world, so we don’t have much power over things that happen around us and to us, but we do have the ultimate power of choosing how we will respond in any given situation. But we can choose our attitude every morning. Choose whether you are going to let things upset you or whether you are going to let them go. Choose whether you are going to be joyful and thankful or miserable and ungrateful. Choose whether you are going to forgive your spouse and yourself or whether you are going to hold onto unforgiveness and hurt.

Always remember this:

Choose to compromise, it is better to bend a little than to break.

Choose to let your love be stronger than your hate or anger.

Choose to believe the best of your spouse rather than the worst.

True friendship is the basis of every relationship. Choose to treat the person you are married to with the same kindnesses and courtesies that you bestow on your friends.

A long lasting marriage requires - commitment, understanding, give in take, open communication, honesty, compromise, forgiveness, being faithful, always being true to each other and LOVE. 

“A soul mate is someone who has locks that fit our keys, and keys to fit our locks. When we feel safe enough to open the locks, our truest selves step out and we can be completely and honestly who we are: we can be loved for who we are and not for who we’re pretending to be. Each unveils the best part of the other. No matter what else goes wrong around us, with that one person we’re safe in our own paradise. Our soul mate is someone who shares our deepest longings, our sense of direction.” —Richard Bach

Cheers

How To Heal From Past Experiences (Bully, Being Ghosted, Rejection)

Hello all, it's been a long time I haven't made any personal post. In this opportunity, I would like to write and discuss about insecurity. I know, I have talked about this before, but in this post, I would like to talk more specifically regarding feeling insecurity related to the ability to deal with rejection and how to heal from there. 

Have I ever told this story? 

I used to have a little difference with other kids. Staring when I was 2 years old maybe, I was diagnosed with amblyopia. What's that? So, basically amblyopia or with easier term 'lazy eyes' is a disorder of sight in which the brain fails to process inputs from one eye and over time favors the other eye.
It reduced vision in one eye caused by abnormal visual development early in life. The weaker — or lazy — eye often wanders inward or outward. Amblyopia generally develops from birth up to age 7 years. 

It is the leading cause of decreased vision among children. Rarely, lazy eye affects both eyes.

Early diagnosis and treatment can help prevent long-term problems with your child's vision. The eye with poorer vision can usually be corrected with glasses or contact lenses, or patching therapy. In my case, it affects my left eye, which somehow my left eyes wanders outward. When it was checked, it turns out my left eye diagnosed with -7, which I was prescribed with glasses. At that time, from what I heard from my mother is that, the doctor told my mom to cover my stronger eyes with tissue and force the lazy eye to operate in my daily activities - but as a mother who see such a young toddlers having a hard time to walk with one eye closed is hard. Besides, there was part of my fault too that I kept throwing the tissue. Adjusting daily activities with one eye close seems like very uncomfortable, you just cannot do anything. 

However, those action and excuses are wrong because if treated earlier before I turn 17 years old, it may help the lazy eyes getting better. But, I guess that's the treatment - I have not found the evidence that it can be completely cured. 

During my early days, I had nothing to complain about as I've been living normally with amblyopia - except for the eyes wanders outward. I still can do my daily activity using my right eye - this doesn't mean that I didn't use my left eye, it just that the vision is weaker on the other side. From zero, my right eye becomes - 7 every year (maybe this due to one-eye functioning or the assumption to balance the left eye, thus I've been changing glasses a lot since I was in elementary school). How weaker is the left eye? I can only read huge single letter within 1 meter radius. The smaller there letter, the more I can't read it - but for huge things like chair and table, I can see it properly. Until now, the minus itself still consistently the same, never been reduced nor increased. 

What makes it harder when I was a young child is when those friends around you make fun of my condition - specially about the eye that wanders outward. I remember the time when I walked through my classroom, someone called Kevin suddenly mock my eyes - and it left big scars for me. I didn't do anything which hurts him at that time, but why he made fun of me? Does he think it is something funny to insulted me like that? 

Going to the Ophthalmologist has never been an easy trip. My mother once left me in the street because she's upset that I didn't practice the eye patched - and the condition of my left eye never improved, instead more minus. The more minus it was added, the more I feel down. But, interesting story is this, the Doctor (I forget the name - very old and traditional type), she knew from the first time that I had amblyopia and still expect me to read small letter within 3 meter radius - the more I couldn't read, the more she add more minus into my glasses. Those were times when there is no microscope to check your minus, until I went to Klinik Mata Nusantara (KMN) and they did several test before I met with my doctor. It turns out that my minus for the left eye is still the same, -7, but my glasses at that time already reach -9. So funny, right? I never go back to that old Doctor anymore. 

During my visit to KMN, my Doctor suggested me to go under operation for the wandering eyes, so that the muscle can be fixed. The operation is not intended to fixed the lazy eyes, but it will help the eyes to move 'normally' instead. And so after so many considerations, I went through the operation when I was in my junior high school. After that, my eyes is normal, the lazy eyes is still there but didn't affect my daily life until now. 

What's left maybe those scars, my schoolmate who was mocking me at that time. But since it was fixed, I guess there will be no more story of that - as I am normal now at least according to society standard - the same like any other junior high school girl. Then I entered my Senior High School which a new school, there were few of my old school graduates who enter this school with me.

My first year of Senior High School was not easy. I was a typical young girl who focus on my study, never really bothered about looks and such. I tied my hair in a ponytail, wear glasses and quiet girl. There is one guy, named Greggy who suddenly one day with his group started to bully me. He took photos of my private parts and giggled about. I remembered one time, he threw leftover tissue to my face - I don't know what made him do that. The thing is that I assume that there is someone who report what happened in that class to our Homeroom Teacher and everyone thought it was me. But THAT WAS NOT ME at all. It hurts my self - because it felt that I don't have any friends in that class. I've been thinking what is wrong with me, is that because I didn't look like any other girl in that class who put makeup and let their hair down? So, the next day I changed my look, I let my hair down and put makeup (at least eyebrow and compact powder) but nothing significant had changed. But Greggy had become more quiet after some time. 

The bully was so traumatic that I ever consider to move to another school, but I survived my first year.
I haven't had any closure to be honest, and when it was time to move to another year, I had this sort of anxiety that I would be the same class with him. So I begged my mother to call school and explain the situation so that I can be in different class and yes, that happened. My second year went through smoothly, actually I was afraid if I wasn't able to make friends. But here I met my best friend from Senior High School and I gained back my confidence. My best friend told me that there is nothing wrong with me and the bullying before is pure because of Greggy's immature action. 

I graduated from my senior high school finally and had fun and exciting times at University, besides things have changed a lot from there. I learnt how to do makeup, I knew which side of my face looks better on camera and such. I became more bold and knew what I want.

Few years later, I also had a crush on someone I met briefly, named Paulus - had exchanged number but suddenly he ghosted me. It took me quite sometime to gain my energy back. I remember how much I wonder why he ghosted me. I knew that we were both stayed in different country but you see, without much disclosure, your mind wanders here and there looking for what I can do better so that the next one won't leave me the way Paulus did. I took all the blame for myself - that I was not attractive enough,
I was not on society standard, I was not beautiful enough, I was not funny enough, I was not good enough and many many more. Till now, I didn't get any closure though. 

After that I was introduced with another overseas guy as well, named Henry. We had never met, but basically I had those image in my mind and thought that this guy seems like a match with me. We chatted several times - and I, myself, had expected something out of it. I thought I should make this work at least coz I am tired of being ghosted and rejected. But things didn't go anywhere until I found out 1.5 years later after I invested my time on him, that he had a girlfriend - an Indo girl as well, a long distance relationship as well. I remembered that time when he told me that he never thought of doing LDR because it's hard but in the end he did with someone else. That girlfriend had already become his wife now. Yes, that was hard blow for me - it took me another 1 year to move on. But during those times, I always thought why he didn't choose me instead, why? Is that because I didn't have nice smile as her? Is that because I was boring and unattractive? Or why? There were too many thoughts inside me, which eventually made me wonder about my worthiness. 

Those story and experiences eventually made me unconsciously thought I was not good enough, that I need to be "normal" & "similar to other people" so that I can be accepted in the society - and I need to do my very very best to be get accepted. Unconsciously, I seek for approval of other people, I seek for their validation that I exist. At some point, because I used to the feeling of being rejected, I thought I didn't deserve to be happy - that I only deserved to be left alone. These are those false belief:

"I feel as though I am not good enough for those who care about me."

"If someone ever falls in love with me, I better do my best to prove myself worthy, because it may never happen again."

"People will only respect me if I'm good-looking and/or successful."

"I modify my personality, opinions, or appearance in order to be accepted by others."

The Bold Type Western Series Review

The Bold Type is an American comedy-drama television series created by Sarah Watson and produced by Universal Television for Freeform. It is inspired by the life and career of former Editor-In-Chief of Cosmopolitan magazine Joanna Coles, who is executive producer of the series. Filmed in Toronto, Montreal, and New York City, the series chronicles the lives of three millennial women, portrayed by Katie Stevens as Jane Sloan - a writter at Scarlet Magazine, Aisha Dee as Kat Edison - social media Director at Scarlet Magazine, and Meghann Fahy as Sutton Brady-Hunter - a fashion stylish at Scarlet magazine, all of whom are employed at a fictional global publication called Scarlet in New York City.

I really love the pilot episode, how exciting it is to work on a magazine company. The idea of a millenial under 30 who works following their passion, feelings, justice and how they bring out about woman empowerment, social issues and social judgment is amazing. 

The series starts with 4 season, which is not yet end. Season 5 supposed to come within next month (May 2021). It centers on a trio of millennial women—Jane Sloan (played by Katie Stevens), Kat Edison (played by Aisha Dee), and Sutton Brady (played by Meghann Fahy)—living in New York City. The three best friends work for Scarlet, a fictional global women's magazine, spearheaded by its editor-in-chief, Jacqueline Carlyle (played by Melora Hardin). The young women navigate their lives in the big city, including their career trajectories and romantic relationships.

Jane begins the series as a new writer for the magazine after working as an assistant, struggling to find her writing voice. Sutton is in a secret romantic relationship with Richard Hunter (played by Sam Page), a Scarlet board member and attorney for the magazine's publishing firm; she also realizes that she is ready for a change in her career and attains a fashion assistant position for the magazine under department head Oliver Grayson (played by Stephen Conrad Moore). Meanwhile, secure in her position as Scarlet's social media director, Kat Edison meets photographer Adena El-Amin (played by Nikohl Boosheri) and starts to explore her sexuality, including the tribulations that said exploration brings.

Season two of The Bold Type follows Jane as she continues to find her journalistic voice in a new media-driven landscape, Kat and her struggle with her racial and sexual identity in addition to her relationship with Adena, and Sutton in the aftermath of her decision to end her relationship with Richard due to the realization that it could hinder her from advancing in her career in fashion industry. As we all know, about work that relates to talent and art, it requires certain connection to make it big into the industry and that's what Sutton is afraid of. She is afraid if someone gonna tell her that she can enter fashion industry due to her relationship with Richard. 

The third season sees Jane entering a new relationship with a fellow writer named Ryan (played by Dan Jeannotte) and collaborating with Jacqueline on a story regarding the abuse of models at the hands of a prominent photographer. Kat, in a career shift, becomes inspired to run for city council, supported by her campaign manager Tia (played by Alexis Floyd), with whom she also becomes romantically involved. Surprised by Adena's return during her campaign, Kat ponders whether her past relationship with Adena is unfinished. Sutton, while content in her role as a fashion assistant, considers pursuing a career as a fashion designer while navigating her rekindled—and newly public—relationship with Richard.

Season four of The Bold Type tells a story about Kat, Jane, Sutton, Jacqueline and Alex who confront challenges in their various relationships, bringing newfound understanding of their partners or creating irreparable rifts between them. 

First, Jane has her first mammogram and spirals into anxiety waiting for the results. Scarlet reels over their new dynamic, forcing everyone to adjust, while Jane tries to cope with the changes to Jacqueline's role at the magazine. Jane volunteers to write a story about a sex club, while Jane and Ryan try a different kind of marathon to rebuild their relationship. Jane's story on millennial weddings comes to a halt when she uncovers a secret about Jacqueline - her work situation leads to tension with her husband which enables them to get separated for several months and allows them to date someone else who can make them feel valuable. Jane feels like a fraud when asked to speak at a wellness seminar while struggling with a sudden feminine health problem. Jane tries to celebrate with her friends while struggling to process recent discoveries. Jane decides to throw Sutton an epic bachelorette party, but the bride can't quite bring herself to enjoy the festivities. Jane gets career news while facing some devastating personal issues. Jane is overjoyed that her brother, Evan, comes to town, and she introduces him to Ryan. However, her relationship with Ryan ends up because finally she was able to ask Ryan on what really happened during the book tour, in which Ryan slept with someone else while getting drunk. As she cannot forgive him, she finally let him go. With her plan on Masctectomy, Jane isn't comfortable in her post-surgery body, but a visit from her dad change her outlook. Jane tries to emulate Jacqueline's leadership with her new staff. Three months after surgery, Jane returns to Scarlet with new editorial duties. 

Second, Sutton and Richard make plans for the future. Sutton grapples with her complex reaction towards the massive changes in her life. Sutton struggles to balance her career and relationship. Sutton has doubts about how to kick off her plan to get promoted. Richard and Sutton dive into wedding plans. Sutton tries to bond with Richard's mother. And finally after several months, Sutton and Richard's wedding day is here, and Sutton is faced with a big decision as their plan after marriage is to move to San Fransisco, meanwhile, Sutton is offered a stylish position at Scarlet, which what she really wants - and to stay in New York. Sutton and Richard's long-distance relationship hits a snag. Sutton takes stock of her position at Scarlet, as Richard considers a world outside it.

Third, Kat's latest crusade to save a female-oriented sex toy company could lead her to begin dating again,  Kat goes out of her way to help a transgender runner get into the New York City Marathon. Kat tries to move forward at work with a podcast, but her first episode comes with a price. Kat plans her next move as she faces financial insecurity and turns to Alex for help. A blizzard hits New York City, and Kat is trapped at her new job with her nemesis; Kat faces a hard truth when she's forced to take some responsibility; Kat learns surprising information about RJ; Adena turns to Kat for help in dealing with RJ, which causes more trouble between Kat and the board; Kat and Adena need to work together on a Scarlet project, which becomes tense when Adena learns about Kat's most recent relationship; Sutton takes a big risk, but is disheartened when it goes awry; Kat considers her feelings on preconceived gender roles in the bedroom.

My Thoughts:

This series is so addicting. I really love the story of Jane Sloan navigating through the Editor life, how fashionable she is and how she manages to work on her relationship with Ryan. Even though it may not be good all the time, but she knows her worth. She forgive him once, as she was afraid to be alone. But, she finally be able to face the fears and stand up for herself. 

Meanwhile, my favorite couple here is Sutton and Richard. I know it's a big decision for Sutton to follow her passion to search for what her heart goes. As she needs money to stay alive and fine, while she wants to go for something her heart feels, fashion stylish. I also really look forward to her relationship with Richard as they have that future goals. I was really happy actually that Sutton got pregnant in Season 4 until finally she said she was not ready for the baby - and she has no plans to get pregnant. I know, some of them may say no child as their career is going well. It maybe alright that time because Sutton is still young, but relationship between two people should be balanced in my opinion. She cannot always have what she wants without compromising what Richard wants. 

Cheers~

How To Let The Past Behind and Move Forward

One of the keys to living a happy and healthy life is to leave the past behind. It's a piece of advice you probably hear a lot. Everyone has a past, has skeletons in their closet and no one is perfect. 

I've had a lot of sleepless nights. Nights when I was so worried about something that had happened in the past that I let it dictate my future. We’ve all been there at some point. You're not alone. The thing about is it is that, what about the past that is relevant to you right now? So, here is the 6 tips to leave the past behind and look forward to the future and have faith in yourself. 

1. Learn from the past but don't dwell there.

Everyone made a mistake, had a baggage and bad experiences in the past. Those experiences you had can actually be used for learning and future experiences. You can consider it as opportunities for growth, development and improvement, instead of something to be judged. You know, past experiences were learning curves to help us refine what our preferences, choices and personalities now. They build us to WHO WE ARE RIGHT NOW. 

2. Express yourself.

Don’t hesitate to get the pain you’re feeling off your chest. Whether it’s talking to the individual who has harmed you (or who you harmed), venting to a friend or writing it down, expressing your feelings can assist you in sorting out what, if anything, needs to be done to move on. Let go of that feeling, closed the book and open new chapter to move on. 

3. Stop pointing finger and comparing.

It is so easy to blame others for the past experiences. The problem is, blaming others gives power to someone else and makes us small. It also prevents you from going forward. So, stop pointing fingers. Besides, do not compare yourself to someone else. Life can't be lived comparing yourself to someone else. You can't be successful based on what someone else has done. Know that you are uniquely you, and you are who you are now. 

4. Focus on the present. 

One of the most effective ways to let go of the past is to embrace the present. Instead of reliving the past and getting consumed with negativity, keep yourself active and enjoy the current moment. Learn a new skill. Meditate. Exercise. Have dinner with a friend. Make a new friend. Whatever it is, just live in the moment - even if it’s just sitting at your desk and watching the clouds roll by. 

To achieve a more mindful state, be aware of what you are thinking and feeling, reduce self-consciousness, seek out new experiences and accept your negative feelings and situations as merely being a part of life.

5. Forgive those who wronged you - including yourself. 

No one is perfect and we all make mistakes. Instead of kicking yourself for your past mistakes, cut yourself some slack and focus on the lessons that you’ve learned. Like Michelle Obama said, "Everyone on earth was carrying around an unseen history, and that alone deserved some tolerance." We cannot judged the future based on what had happened in the past. Look at the present. Also, people change all the time.

6. Count your blessings 

Instead of always thinking about the past, how about start by counting your blessing in the present. Give gratitude that we are still alive and healthy. By doing this, we are risking our heart to give some trust and faith for the future. Why do we have to dwell in the past?

Let the past behind, move forward and have faith. 

Cheers ~

Memories of Alhambra Drama Review

Memories of Alhambra tells a story about a groundbreaking AR game about medieval battles in the Alhambra (a real place in Spain). Yoo Jin Woo (played by Hyun Bin), CEO of an investment company that specializes in optical devices, travels to Granada, Spain to meet the creator of the game, Jung Se Joo (played by Park Chan Yeol). However, Se Joo has gone missing and there, he meets his older sister, Jung Hee Joo (played by Park Shin Hye), who is the owner of the hostel he stays in and a former guitarist. Both get entangled in mysterious incidents, as the border between the real world and the AR world built by Se Joo begins to blur.

This drama deserves a real appreciation for its plot and fresh new story ideas. We haven't encountered an augmented-reality games drama like this for years and I give a standing applause for Hyun Bin. He rocks the role of Yeo Jin Woo so much *applaud* that I have no idea who's gonna fit Yeo Jin Woo other than him. 

It was really exciting to play a game which happens in our reality, Zinu (Yeo Jin Woo's username in the games) gets so excited to explore the game and got level up, but then it's a new game and it is not completed yet. The problem appears when Jin Woo had a fight within the game with Cha Hyeong Seok (Jin Woo's ex-best friend who had an affair with Jin Woo's ex wife - Soo Jin). Jin Woo proceeds to defeat him in the game after leveling up to level 5, where Cha Hyung Seok was. Before their last battle, Jin Woo made a deal with Hee Joo to buy Hostel Bonita, which is under Hee Joo's name. The deal was made because Se Joo put the license for the game under Hostel Bonita, which means if Jin Woo got the ownership of the Hostel, he got the license for the game. 

Hee Joo got 10 billion won from Jin Woo, which was like a magic for her. After the deal was successful, Jin Woo invited Hyung Seok to meet with him in the middle of the night before Jin Woo's flight to Barcelona and go back to Seoul.

Jin Woo says that he’s headed back to Seoul the next morning, which indicates that he’s been successful with the business deal that they were both after. Hyung Seok’s face hardens at this news, and Jin Woo goads that he’s giving Hyung Seok a chance to beat him in the game, even though he lost in real life. He prods, “That’s the charm of games, right? Escapism and denying reality — a world where losers can become heroes.”

Jin Woo continues to jab at him by saying that Hyung Seok should have just taken his advice and spent time with his wife. That’s the last straw, and Hyung Seok attacks. The two rivals engage in an intense sword fight, and they both manage to slice each other’s arms. Hyung Seok paces as he catches his breath and says that he always wanted to tell Jin Woo something when they met one-on-one. 

He clarifies that he didn’t steal Soo Jin from Jin Woo and claims that he saved her from him because she seemed so miserable. He says that he was worried that Soo Jin would deteriorate next to Jin Woo.
Hyung Seok warns Jin Woo not to reject reality and points to him as the problem, since he’s failed in his second marriage. He advises Jin Woo to reflect on his failures unless he wants to continue to fail in his future marriages. Jin Woo smirks and calls Hyung Seok a bastard. He notes that all traitors justify their deeds with the same excuse — that it was for the people. Jin Woo points out that Hyung Seok’s justification is evidence that he’s a true traitor.

Hyung Seok punches Jin Woo, and they grab each other by the collar. The game notifies them that physical contact is prohibited and warns them that they will level down. At the warning, the two enemies release each other and both drop to level 3 in punishment. There’s nobody to stop this fight. The two rivals continue their sword fight, and Hyung Seok manages to fling the sword out of Jin Woo’s hands. Jin Woo just barely avoids Hyung Seok’s swings and runs to grab his sword stuck in the ground. He sees the shadow of Hyung Seok approaching behind him and times his attack to stick his sword right into Hyung Seok’s abdomen.

Hyung Seok freezes in shock as the sword pierces him, and he seems convincingly in pain. Jin Woo pulls out the sword and slices at Hyung Seok a few more times before the final blow that sends bloody Hyung Seok limp onto the bench. He looks at Hyung Seok, and the game congratulates him on winning and earning his enemy’s experience.

The next morning, Jin Woo wakes up to his phone ringing and sees that he’s missed 16 calls from Secretary Seo. Secretary Seo urgently explains that it’s an issue with Cha Hyung Seok. He was found dead on a park bench in the morning — dead with his eyes wide open. Jin Woo freezes at this news, and notice that Hyeong Seok died on the battle ground last night. Jin Woo looks shocked as he finally realizes there may be a defect in this genius game.

The game is magic to Jin Woo because it’s a technological breakthrough that will bring him and his company fame and fortune. And the game (if it functioned safely) would be magic to the world, because the kind of things that can be done with augmented reality, including but also in addition to gaming, could change the world in ways we can only imagine. But this defect is real, even though Jin Woo puts away the game contacts, he is still log in into the game. The border between AR and real world becomes blur. 

As Jin Woo looks through his phone, he hears the thunder outside followed by a guitar playing “Memories of Alhambra.” He looks around nervously and finds that his vision has changed into game mode. He checks his eyes, and once again, he has entered the game without his contacts.
The game notifies him that his enemy has arrived, and Jin Woo fearfully tightens his grip. He hears a knock on the door and asks who’s there. The door opens, and when he sees that it’s just Hee Joo, he sighs in relief. But then, he hears other footsteps approaching. It’s glitchy Hyung Seok with his sword, and Jin Woo looks petrified. The battle continues. Crazy. No one can see Hyung Seok, other than Jin Woo. He finally understands that why Se Joo hasn’t returned and what he’s afraid of. Jin Woo presumes that Se Joo was also under pursuit by someone that only he could see.

Everyone starts to think that Jin Woo had some mental problems, even though Hee Joo seems to believe him. Thus, to end this life-threatening game, is to finish the game with some clues given to him from Game Master (Se Joo) through the game. 

During the adventure, Jin Woo was able to find Emma, the game character of Hee Joo, which functions as healer. There was this quotes is when the golden key meets with the bracelet, the gate will open. The bracelet itself was worn by Emma. Se Joo was then released from predicament and Jin Woo as the game master was given the ability to have instance dungeon in which he can escape and save himself there in case anything happen.

The game was reset and Jin Woo's character was deleted from the game. But after one year, Jin Woo come back to the real world after the AR game was reconstructed and the border between AR and real life has been checked properly. The game was released to the world and it ends like that. 

My Thoughts:

I am seriously mind blown with the idea of this story. This show is so dynamic and actually feels like a reflection of the AR game itself. The plot is unpredictable and unsteady in a way that makes this show gripping. 

The blending of multiple dimensions is blowing my mind. But we never quite know because the rules of the overlap between virtual and reality are still a bit unclear. As this is a story that only the writers know why certain things happen, and despite this ambiguity, I’m actually enjoying this lawless game going rogue because it infuses the drama with an element of mystery that makes everything so unpredictable. 

I’m loving the unexpected surprises, even though they’re mostly terrifying. The way that Hyung Seok just appeared behind the door and ruthlessly attacked Jin Woo made me squeak in fear and pain for all the broken bones that Jin Woo probably just broke again. 

The twists and cliffhangers slap me in the face because they come out of nowhere, and the solid creative writing ensures that the cliffhangers keep me engaged and not infuriated. The cliffhanger endings leave us with a taste of what’s to come, making me intrigued by the unknown elements of this AR. Just when I think that the show is slowing down, it speeds up and then comes to an abrupt halt. There are so many interesting elements and plot points to work. 

Even though it's all mystery, I still don't really like that the writer is not a good storyteller because everything is a surprise. We all need the background why it happens, how could it happens and any solutions to end it need to be tell into a good story telling - which doesn't happen here. The more it gets into the ending, the weirder it gets for me. 

Anyway, Hyun Bin portrays Jin Woo very nicely. He did super super good, I think one of the reason why I continue this drama is to see how much Hyun Bin has grown since Secret Garden and hope that this drama goes well, even though sadly the storyline needs a bit of soft touch. 

I'm sorry to say but the romantic part didn't get me well. The connection was a bit off and no chemistry so far between Binnie & Pak Shin Hye LOL, or maybe I just didn't ship them together haha!

Overall is good, if you want something nice like an AR game drama, this one is worth to try ~ Enjoy!!