有口难开

He came back. I have no idea of the exact place but I am sure that person is somewhere where he can reach the news easily, specially through social media. 

All of sudden, every pieces of memories comes back to myself and my eyes are filled with tears already. I hold my breath deeply and try to stand strong. This won't affect me - that was what I said to myself. But in fact, reality sure is so cruel. I still remember every bits of that moment, which I've been trying to forget. Even though I tried many times, but hearing that person name used to be the trigger for me to go back to square one again. 

I knew, I've been saying to everyone that I am fine without his existence. I have no feelings left for that person and I've been living dilligently without having much thought about it. However, that's not true, no matter how much I said that I've moved on, things are not like that actually. Sometimes I look for that person in the middle of my busy life, even my thought wanders why things have become like this. And now, after knowing he came back, I am waiting and checking my phone unconsciously. I knew I shouldn't do that since he has many chances to do that before, but I was hoping secretly that things would change a bit - even knowing soon after I would be disappointed again. I think I am crazy, whatever, it's really difficult to say something and time is all I need. 

如果只是　一场意外

付出的爱　对你早已超载

我明白　手放开　也是另一种坦白

就让伤害　留给时间表白

我有口难开　爱痛之间徘徊

只要能真的让你少一点伤害

把自己关起来　硬把眼泪忍下来

是我唯一能给你的疼爱

― #youknowwhatImean

“The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward.” ― Steve Maraboli

“Letting go means to come to the realization that some people are a part of your history, but not a part of your destiny.”  ― Steve Maraboli