Trust God & Always Have Faith

With constant and routines activities, it is easily to lose yourself in the process. You would suddenly have no idea what you want to achieve or where you would want to go. And it happens to me at the moment, to be exact. I've been feeling so lost - not only in my goals & dreams, but also losing myself. It's weird to be honest, to question myself who I am everyday, why I changed to be someone else, what happened to me and why I can't recognize my old self anymore?

Back to two months ago, people around me would always say that I should stop my obsession towards K-drama and I did it. It's so obvious that I rarely updated this blog - for the past two months I tried to keep my addiction as minimum as I could. The only thing I watch is, Running Man and one or two drama series. 

It's hard at first but I tried to distract myself towards something else. I've been following Game of Thrones Season 7 pretty consistently and I love it though the reason behind it was not purely because of the story. Besides, I've hit the gym pretty regularly for the past two months but, I still feel something's missing. I feel as if I am not the one I used to know, with my tendency to overthink and over-analyze something, I would always feel anxious, worried and not in the state of peace - and I don't like seeing myself in that situation. I don't know what but I feel as if I am losing myself in the process. Thinking about future and uncertainty makes it really hard for me to move forward.

At first, I would think that's all because of the hormonal cycle, but when it keeps repeating regularly every month, I would always question the healthiness of my mental state. Sometimes I thought maybe I have some mental problems. But I am not, "it's totally normal to have such feelings. And that's okay to feel lost sometimes. What's important is how you get back being yourself." that's what the girls used to say to me. Well, I don't really talk about this to that many people as I am pretty private. It just happened coincidentally.

I would always want to grow as a person, to always be positive and give back to the society. Sometimes, overthinking can really kill my soul - even when I tried to believe in God's plan, I would still feel anxious, depressed and emotionally not stable. I would always question why this or that thing happened, why half of my friend are getting married and half are still drunk, why I couldn't let go certain emotion, curiosity and temptation. 

It gets worse when I am on my period - as the mood swings seems pretty severe. I could suddenly cry without any reasons and tears would just keep falling down. Even, I thought I've reached my limit already. Well, after a good cry, things felt much lighter and I would suddenly think positively. It keeps repeating every month for the past two months. It's funny right - but google is my medication, blogging is my cure and I would re-read what I've written for the past two years.

As I went back to certain phase in my life, I realize the pattern, I have gone through the same phase and I am actually quite normal. There is nothing wrong with me, it's just I lose myself temporarily. 

Here's how to be back being your old self:

A. You do not need anyone to be happy. You, being yourself, is amazing. 

"You are beautiful just the way you are."

"Until you make peace with who you are, you'll never be content with what you are. - Doris Mortman"

"Live in such a way that if anyone speak badly of you, no one would believe it." 

We tend to forget how to appreciate ourselves, for who we are or what we have. 

We would always find something to justify and get other people to validate us. But, let me tell you, you do not need anyone to feel content about yourself. Happiness comes from within, not from anyone nor anything. You should be happy being your best version of yourself. 

B. Do not compare yourself to others

Each and everyone has their own race. It works on their specific time zone. People around us might seem to be ahead of you, and some might seem to be behind you. Just relax, and focus on your own race. God is good all the time, He has His own perfect timing for you. Better be late than have things fall apart, right?

C. Have faith & Learn to Let Go

So, what we can do is to have faith & trust and hopefully with a little bit of pixie dust, everything will work out magically;

"When you let go, you create space for better things to enter your life. - Buddha"

"Pray and let go. Do not try and manipulate or force the outcome. Just trust God to open the door at the right time. - Anonymous"

"Let the universe works its magic on you as you can't force things to happen. - Anonymous"

"Sometimes, the best things you can do is, not think, not wonder, not imagine, not obsess. Just breathe, and have faith that everything will work out for the best."

"There's time and place for everything. There's no need to rush, or force things when what's meant to be will always be."

Maybe I had written this in the past but I never really believe it. But for sure, 2 years after I wrote it, my life surely is way better. God has perfect plan for me and I believe in it. Had it never because of God, I would never be able to let it go (you know it yourself, lish!)

This time, I would like to remind myself again to really trust in God's plan. Let go, do not force things and the right door will be open at the right time. Sometimes, you just need to trust the Lord with all your heart and believe things would eventually work for the best.

Cheers!