Closure

These past few days is the hardest for me to pass by. The thought of him is too difficult to bear, while I should actually move on from this specific person.

I thought 10 months is enough to really forget him and move on, but indeed I may need more time to really forget.

Everytime I saw his blog, it reminds me much of the time when we talked about that topic, which come from our core value. At that time, I was an ENFJ while he consistently an INFJ, in which we both are pretty similar in terms of our way of thinking and value we hold.

I kept seeing myself in him, it was like he is another me but in a male version. Ofcourse, I would understand why he would think like that. In my eyes and thought, I guess he was on all my checklist. But then, what's the point of holding onto someone who does not want to stay? 

I never asked him though regarding what our relationship should be, instead running away and pushing him from my life because he made me feel I am not important. I guess, if he really wants me in his life, he would put me there and I shouldn't fight for a spot. But considering how INFJ he is and how I should take it slow, it really bothers when in reality, maybe things won't ever work out no matter how hard I try again but myself, still projecting and fantasizing on how the relationship would be. Funny, but seriously, I should really stop myself from even considering to mend up things with him.

I believed for so long that I needed closure with every one of my relationships that suffered a slow and painful death. Sometimes I felt like I got closure. The times that I didn’t, I found myself holding on long thereafter. With each relationship and experience, I was determined to learn something and grow from it. But, closure doesn’t change anything that already happened. It doesn’t turn back time. It doesn’t fade the hurtful things away you said when you were most upset. It doesn’t shift blame to either side. It doesn’t act as a second chance at reconciliation, and that should never be the expectation. Maybe what I really need to do is see the situation for what it is and remove that negative energy from my life.

Forgive him and let him go. When you let go, you create space for better things to enter your life. 

You can forgive someone without seeing them in person or hashing out the past. You can forgive and truly move on for yourself. But you need to let go of the idea of a “closure conversation” being the band aid that will erase the past or supply a future with this person.

Always remember, when you forgive, you heal. And when you let go, you grow.