I don't know when it started, but it always happens every year when time come to the month of July - there is an exciting yet terrifying feeling. Another year to be grateful, for being healthy and entering another phase of life - an adulthood yet it's kinda scary because even though I am gonna be 27 years old, there are many things I haven't figured out yet.
To be honest, it's not about the feeling of getting older that scares me most, but the fact that I still feel like a teenager who just finished uni and figuring out life. It feels only few years back when I finished my university and started working in real life. But it has been 7 years since I graduated - yet I still don't know whether I go on the right path. I still feel like there are many things I haven't achieved yet, much or less many things I don't know as well. If time could turn back, I wished school could teach us how to be a proper adult, how to stand up in the real world, how to handle with real life instead of all theoretical stuffs.
When I was in my university year, I used to make plan about my life, like by 30 I should have achieved A, B, C, D, E and etc, should already know about this stuff or that stuff, should be a charming grown up who knows where she wants to go, should have worked on what set my soul on fire and what I am passionate about. But then, the reality kicks in.
I realized, when I am here, soon to be a 27 years old woman, I'm still figuring out life - still working on 9am to 6pm corporate job, haven't even achieved anything yet - even though I managed to get a title by 25 years old. I may not a charming woman yet like Im Soo Jung in Search:WWW and still considering much on what I should focus on my career.
I know, I may not be where I want to be yet, but for sure, I am on the way to where I want to be. By these, reality teaches me to let go of a certain standard and accept what has happened to me and be grateful about it. Although the road may not be always easy, but I am still hanging in there. At this point, I realize that life may not always go as I want and I learn to let go of that control, let life do its best for me, as long as I work hard, have faith and believe that it's gonna come true.
I learn how to live in the present without worrying too much about the future. My best friend said to me, that I need to love and understand myself, instead of being the harshest critic on oneself. I need to put down that "should" in everything I want to achieve. There is no such timeline in life. Each and everyone of us has different timing and that cannot be forced upon.
Everyone's journey is different and I ought to let go of that control. The more I try to control something, the more the world won't allow it to happen to me. So I just need to stay back, relax a bit, stop overthinking and start having faith - letting God do what He wants to do with my life, that includes finding the right person as well.
Additionally, I was reminded of years back, how amazing it was to hang out late at night, how cool it is to get drunk and come home late. Yet, these days, those things do not even amaze me. It's true about getting older - in the end I learn how to be comfortable with my own self. There is no necessity to go out Friday night after work when I feel tired - so going home early is a better choice without the need to be cool to stay out like those teenagers.
Getting older let me think a lot of things, like being serious about where I wanna go; what I want in life and to seriously taking responsibilities of my life. And, somehow the way I thought about things also change - it feels like I am growing as a person; as a real adult. At this age, I want to have a stable career, stable job or even side job that pays well, a stable relationship, and also to build my own family. I guess I am here not to play around anymore - as there are goals I need to achieve and seriously thinking about accomplishing those things.
Hopefully the universe will make it work for me as well.
Cheers!
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