Finding Faith

"The world is spinning, but have faith in living." that's the topic for BORN Gathering this January. It intrigues me in such a way, that we should really have faith in living. One of my very close friend asked me, "Have you ever thought what is the purpose of living?" 

Of course I had. I guess, each and every one of us had such experience. 

Living is a blessing. Thanking God for every chance to be alive each and every day. As I have said before, we never really know what would happen in the next few minutes. 

Living is also a responsibility. How you would be responsible for your own choices and decision. 

However, with the current situation, living in this world may not be easy. Condition change, people change and there are things out of our control. One of the most recent and more relatable to me, is the pursuit of finding true love. The search for true love can be a tiring and challenging journey for many. During your pursuit, you’ve probably tried several tactics to increase your chances of meeting that special someone. You try your best to stay optimistic while traversing the dating minefield, but with each obstacle you encounter, your faith slowly fades away.

You’re tired of going on date after date without making a significant connection. You’re tired of all the mind games and having to play by the “rules.” You’re tired of getting so close to finally making a connection only to be disappointed. Pretty soon, you run out of patience and all those insecurities from past heartache begin to rear their ugly heads at your consciousness.

No matter how much your friends and family try to console you, you're unable to see the light at the end of the dating tunnel.

You are tempted to shut yourself off from the world, slip into your PJs, indulge in a tub of Ben and Jerry’s and watch re-runs of "Sex and the City" while you slip into victim mentality:  Why is it so easy and effortless for everyone else? What if you can never have the family you dream of?

"How can I face my family at the next family gathering/wedding? What if I never meet anyone and I have to be alone for the rest of my life?"

and I could say that's what happened to me. I skipped all the gatherings usually when someone got married. I cut loose the connection I've ever had with my best friend who has girlfriend/boyfriend already. They are busy, I know and I wouldn't want to be part of them as another unimportant guest. I don't want to be part of the conversation about how they are so sweet of each other and how they are fighthing or even I am not ready to hear that they are going to get married. That's what I've been feeling for the past two months. It was that bad that my anxiety ate me slowly. And by doing this, I've been feeling there's something wrong with me mentally. Becoming like this doesn't let myself grow as a better person and it feels sucks. 

But that's when I realized, if you find yourself drowning in a whirlpool of these negative and discouraging thoughts, remember that what you're going through is a common experience in the dating journey.

As human beings, we deeply crave feelings of assurance and belonging. Every dating failure we face threatens the possibility of having these needs met, which then causes the anxiety we experience. Through this understanding, we should learn to accept our vulnerability and acknowledge our feelings. Ignoring your feelings or numbing yourself with unhealthy coping habits will only make things worse.

We need to treat ourselves with the same love and compassion we would show someone about whom we deeply care. This is a critical step because the results of the effort we put into changing our situations depends on how we relate to ourselves and our “humanness.”  

Once we create a solid foundation of self-love, we are ready to work on healing any painful experience on the rough dating terrain by processing the feelings in a healthy way.

Your emotions are a form of physical energy that flows within you. If you don’t consciously process your emotions, they will get stuck in your system and crop up in the form of mental and physical illnesses. For this reason, you need to deal with them in a healthy way by doing one or a combination of the following: journaling; speaking to someone you trust; attending a workshop, seminar or conference that gives you the outlet and perspective to process your feelings; meditate, or pray.

Surrounding yourself with supportive and positive people while staying away from negative people.

Keep the right perspective. Our thoughts are powerful and make all the difference in how we experience everything in life. You must realize you are the master of your thoughts and you decide what you stream through your consciousness. Shakespeare once said, “Nothing is good or bad, but thinking makes it so.”

Here's an example of how this can play out:

Fact: I’m single.

Your reality option #1: I’m single and I’m doomed to stay single for the rest of my life. I can’t ever seem to find someone I like.

Your reality option #2: I’m single and loving the journey. I know that with every step I take, I get closer to finding the perfect person.

Which one would you choose? Option #2, right? It’s healthier, more self-preserving and it also gives you the right kind of energy to attract better things into your life.

Ultimately, life is an internal experience and you create your internal experience based on the kind of thoughts and emotions you choose to have. If you choose healthier, positive and more inspiring thoughts and feelings, all your experiences in life will be infused with that energy.

You are the creator of your life experience – isn’t that a liberating truth?

Surrender to things you can’t control.

Sometimes, we need to learn to simply “let go” of the issues that bother us. By that, I don’t mean “give up,” but let go of the mental and emotional grips on matters that are important to you.

Most of us have this false notion that the more we hold on to things, the more control we have of them.

But, metaphysical principles tell us it’s the opposite. Not only is it unhealthy for us to cling too hard to our hopes and desires, but it also reduces the chances of it manifesting in our reality.

Do your best and then let go. You will know you have accomplished this when you feel a sense of internal peace and positive anticipation.

Focus on creating an amazing life as a single.

Once you have dealt with the wave of emotions, focus on creating a life you love.

To do this, you need to fill your schedule with activities you love and be guided by a vision that motivates you and gives you a sense of purpose. In this way, you begin taking responsibility for your own personal happiness and well-being.

Surround yourself with supportive people.

Having friends you can turn to in good and bad times is essential. Research has proven the high psychological benefits for having a support group for a source of inspiration and, well, support. If you don’t have anyone in your immediate circle, try joining a support group or hiring a professional counselor or coach to help you.

I learnt that you gotta keep some distance with your real friends and just "friend". I learnt that you don't have to bother what other people's opinion so much because they don't matter. Yesterday, I confronted those who has interfered with my mental health - those who always unconciously made it as if I am so low and degrade my pride. Admitted, if that bullying keeps continuing, maybe I will be very depressed. I am just afraid that I would be crazy enough and couldn't get back on track. And by doing that, I learnt to say no when you don't like things and you can't please everyone. So just be your true self and you should cut those toxic.

And, by following these coping techniques, you will notice dating will not become an easier process, but you will begin to have a lot more fun while maintaining a sense of humor about the bumps you face along the way. By learning to let go and accept the situation, you will learn how to have faith in things you can't control and let God do His best. Don't forget to always do something good to others because karma does exist. 

This will ultimately help you stay focused on the present moment, enjoy the journey of life and trust that whatever you experience is ultimately serving your highest good.

Maybe it's gonna be hard to tell my good friend about the hard thing I'm going through right now. That includes with my mentality, my rejection and how I cope living my life. So I just hope they would understand me. Or perhaps, at least care for my feelings.

Cheers ~

Here’s What To Do When Everybody You Know Is Getting Married, Except You

You always know when the next one is upon you. You log into Facebook and your newsfeed displays a picture of somebody’s hand on her boyfriend’s chest. Otherwise known to single people as the Hand of Death. You don’t have to read the caption. You don’t need to see the “Congratulations!” posts. You know what this hand means.

So these people you know or sorta-know are engaged, and your typical post-engagement behaviors start to kick in. Zooming in on the picture, checking out the ring, texting your friends, resisting the temptation to leave a comment that says, “So you agree, you think you’re really pretty?”, making a list of the reasons why you’ll be forever alone, etc etc.

But when you think about it, you can’t really remember when you decided that marriage was something you wanted. There was no day where you just magically knew that an engagement should be the next step on your path to adulthood.

Rather, a switch flipped at one point and suddenly everybody was pairing off, getting engaged, planning weddings, and then actually having them. What was once an insane and unbelievable thing – “What? They’re engaged?! How? We’re all so young!” – has suddenly become the standard thing amongst people your age, because you’re not twenty-two anymore and this is just what happens.

You don’t feel like that much time has passed since the start of all this, since the first peers, that you knew personally, got engaged. But now everybody’s doing it. In your childhood, it was all about Tomagotchi’s. In your teens, your life was about braces and uncomfortable group dates to see Pirates of the Caribbean. 

But now, in your twenties, the focus has shifted to finding a partner with whom you can make a serious, lifelong commitment. It sounds romantic, but if you’re alone, sometimes you’d rather still be an awkward teenager, sitting in that movie theater while the kid with the spiked hair tries to touch your non-existent boobs.

It’s an overwhelming thing to experience – everybody rushing to pair off and start a life together – and it often makes you feel like that’s what you need to do next. You don’t even have time to think about whether or not it’s what you want right now, because the feelings of urgency and panic have erased any sense of logical thinking in your mind.

Often, the only thought you’re left with is This happening for everybody else, except me. I’m screwed.

It’s hard not to be consumed by it – by the never-ending what-if’s and the worry that you’re going to end up alone. You forget to live and instead start revolving your life around the happenings of other people. You feel hopeless, lost, listless. You feel like you no longer have a chance at happiness in this game.

But here’s the thing: this is not a game.

Nobody is going to win. Nobody is better than you for getting married. And you’re not better than anybody else for not getting married. Marriage doesn’t make you needy and dependent, and being single doesn’t make you independent. Measuring your life up against anybody else is a waste of time because you will never be them and they will never be you.

It will be tempting to try to find something that makes you feel superior to others. You’ll want to label people. They got married too young or That couple will be divorced in less than ten years or Well they’re married, but I’m out living it up or At least I’m having fun. 

You’re allowed to feel weird about the fact that it feels like everyone else is getting married except for you. But you’re not allowed to use another person’s situation as the bar against which you should measure yourself and your life.

Marriage changes a lot of things, but it also doesn’t change anything. It doesn’t validate your existence. It doesn’t officially make you an adult. It doesn’t mean you’re successful. But it also doesn’t mean you’ve succumbed to society’s norms, or you’ve given up your independence, or you’ve decided to to become boring.

Marriage is a beautiful thing, but it will not complete you, and it will not fix you. Right now, it seems like all these newly engaged and newly married people are oozing with happiness, and they probably are. But just like all other adult things, marriage is hard. Marriage is work. The rosy glow will fade into something that – while still special and sacred – eventually just becomes part of everyday life.

Accept that sometimes you’ll feel weird, or uncomfortable, or uneasy. Accept that this is a hard time for you. And then move on. Because it’s not like all the single people are on one side of the fence, unhappy and depressed and worthless, and all the married people are on the other side of the fence, blissful and free of worry and completely at peace.

Married or not, everybody has issues, everyone has worries, everybody has things that keep them up at night. Marriage, for the most part, will provide you with a partner that can support you, but it will not fix your problems. It will not validate your life and your purpose. It will not give you meaning.

You must find that meaning in yourself. You must learn to love your own company, learn to appreciate the simple joy of existing, learn that you have dignity that exists with or without another person’s love.

Learn to love yourself. Learn to love existing. Watch how much joy will come into your life the minute you stop trying to copy someone else’s life path. Perhaps, when you do this, love will come. Perhaps not. But either way, the minute you learn to stop measuring your life up against ridiculous and pointless standards, happiness will show up. Maybe not in the form you expected. But it will be there.

My Golden Life Ending Speculation

With 10 episodes towards the end of weekend korean drama, My Golden Life, I've been thinking a lot and so curious with the ending. It's supposed to be a happy ending - or maybe it's what I want. Personally, I want a happy ending at least in the drama I watched. Our lives are hectic already, so for our entertainment, I think a happy ending story would be the best option to warm our life.

However, if it's a happy ending in 'My Golden Life', I guess, the story would not be real and be considered as a typical k-drama, whereby a chaebol heir be together with someone from a poor family. We know, we all don't want that kind of obvious ending.

Reaching ep 40 so far, the love story between Seo Ji An & Choi Do Kyung fell apart as Do Kyung realized that he couldn't bring happiness to Ji An's life by staying by her side. She once had taken her life because of what she's been through with that family. It's just a while that she's back being her. Would she ever take the risk again of entering the family that brings her so much memories of pain? Will she be able to overcome those depressing memories?

I think My Golden Life has a good story in Korean society nowadays and I am glad that the writer took a big courage to reveal the society problem that seriously need to be cared for. Depression, is a huge mental problem in k-society which has eaten so many people throughout decades. When you are trapped in that state, I guess there is no point to continue living on. This time, the writer gave us a glimpse of what will happen if you feel that you have no more meaning in living. Seo Ji An went to hide herself, after throwing away her phone, reminiscing about the happy memories in the past, she went to hike the mountain, took some pills and decided to take her life. Believing that no one could ever find her anymore. But then, the good thing, an old man found her and took her in his care, thinking that this young woman would do it again if he had not kept her by his side. The look in her eyes is lifeless and of course she has no meaning to continue living on. Maybe being alive or death would have no difference for her. But, let me tell you, THERE IS, at least when you came back alive, that means, you have A LOT more reasons to enjoy the life has offered.

The good thing is that, during those time, Seo Ji An has a dependable Sunwoo Hyuk, a good friend who helped her through the struggling. He was reaching to her, even giving her a place to stay when she has no where to go - the place that slowly be a source of strength for her. Knowing that we can look at different perspective in life. There is no such thing as right or wrong in living your live. It doesn't mean a business management graduate should find a job in major company. You have no idea where life could take you. Even an education graduate can become a carpenter. That's when Seo Ji An realized that she should find something she loves and live her life with no regret. I love how the writer put so much effort in developing the character, the growth either physically & mentally and how she made Seo Ji An's character stands out despite so many flaws. I just love Shin Hye Sun's character so much, no words could describe it. I guess, many female lead character I love has such typically the same kind of personality. This drama brings so much improvement and making Shin Hye Sun stands out in the midst of the competition nowadays.

In regards with how the story will end, I think it will take quite a while before the story gets a happy ending. If it's going to be a happy ending, I think it's gonna take a lot of courage for Seo Ji An to come out from her world, faced a lot more challenges from Haesung Family. However, as I saw it happened, it's possible there will be internal conflict in Haesung itself - specially Choi Jae Sung, the father of Choi Do Kyung confronted his wife, No Myung Hee and his father-in-law. There is certain possibility that Jae Sung could help Do Kyung to really live his life, not as his grandfather's puppet. But again, there is price we have to pay in this world, if you want to gain something. And so, the choice is yours...

But I would like it personally if it's an ending whereby the happiness is not perfect. It's unimaginable for me if the Haesung could gladly accept Seo Ji An and free their child to love anyone that doesn't bring any benefit to the family. I guess, an ending like Secret Garden would be perfect for this story ~

Korean Drama - My Golden Life Review

After 'Father Is Strange' finished its run back then in September 2017, a new family drama "My Golden Life" started its course. The good news is that, My Golden Life achieves highest rating with latest episode hit 43.2% bringing the drama closer to the 50 percent milestone.

I didn't follow this drama since September last year, but there are so many news regarding this weekend drama. Staring Park Si Hoo, Shin Hye Sun, Lee Tae Hwan and Seo Eun Soo, this drama brings back the classic birth secret since "Autumn In My Heart" in 2000 back then. But, even so, this drama portrays a much different approach which make it stand out even in the same kind of cliche.

My Golden Life depicts a story about a woman who has a chance to rise in status and a man who finds happiness in her. A mother's misguided love has caused her daughters to get swapped in status, and so the heroine Seo Ji An (played by Shin Hye Sun) enters the chaebol household to have a better life without knowing she is actually not their long-lost daughter, but her "former twin" sister instead. 

When the secret get revealed, will she be able to continue her life, and what will happen to her relationship with the son of chaebol family Choi Do Kyung (played by Park Si Hoo), whom she has gotten closer to as siblings?

Personally, I kinda interested with the storyline, making me curious as how it would turn out, though I bet that in the end, the heroine will find her happiness even though she is not the chaebol daugther and end up having a love relationship with our hero. But how would it be like that, that's what I am curious about. The background story may be the same, but how the writer lead to a beautiful ending, that's what most important in my opinion. 

With huge scandal back then in 2013, Park Si Hoo has been quite active with overseas drama, while this time, he made a comeback as male lead and it leads him to win Excellence Award, Actor in a Serial Drama during 31st KBS Drama Awards. I quite like him though the last time when he appeared in Prosecutor Princess & Cheongdam-dong Alice, though he's still not my type of male lead in K-drama, but he consistently manages to make his way in the industry back then. If we compare him to other male lead like Song Joong Ki, Hyun Bin, Gong Yoo, Park Bo Gum and others, I would say, Park Si Hoo has a lot more to learn. He's a bit stiff with his acting actually, but this drama story line helps him. 

Meanwhile, with this drama, Shin Hye Sun rise in status as an actress. She had played several drama, that also includes The Legend of The Blue Sea with Lee Min Ho & Jun Ji Hyun, but this is the first time I saw her as a female lead and I love her character so much. She's tough, strong and knows what she wants in life. So when things fell apart, I love how she takes time to heal herself mentally and physically. Though I may not understand why the secret makes her to even commit suicide, making her as the most vulnerable victim, though the real daughter was not in such pain like her. My guess is that, she knows what Haesung Group could do to her life, so maybe living was pointless in her opinion. And during times like this, I love our second male lead, Lee Tae Hwan, our daddy-long-leg haha, a second male lead syndrome who always be there to help our heroine. 

If it was me, maybe I would choose Lee Tae Hwan instead of Park Si Hoo. Maybe that's my preference only. I love how dependable Lee Tae Hwan as Sunwoo Hyuk here. He may not come from chaebol family, but he knows exactlt what he's after for in his life. He keeps secret very well as well and concerns about his friend & older sister. He takes care everyone genuinely and cares for them, showing a more mature, confident and cool attitude towards his life. I think I would prefer someone like him instead of someone who has so much money but has no freedom & opinions. 

Anyway, the side story I like the most usually revolves around Choi Seo Hyun (or called Cinderella), the maknae daughter of Haesung Corporation & Seo Ji Ho (Seo Ji An's younger brother) because both of them are sooo cute. I would usually skip Seo Ji An's family scene & Sunwoo Hyun's older sister love story haha because it's just too mainstream :p

I am so curious how this series would turn out. Been addicted to this drama till I can't stop myself from watching each episodes like crazy, making me so addicted about what would happen next. The writer has such magic to pull the viewers into the story. Maybe that's why this drama receives a good rating & review. 

Anyone has free time, please do watch "My Golden Life" cos you wont regret it! Be careful not to over-obssessed with the episodes :p