Finding Faith

"The world is spinning, but have faith in living." that's the topic for BORN Gathering this January. It intrigues me in such a way, that we should really have faith in living. One of my very close friend asked me, "Have you ever thought what is the purpose of living?" 

Of course I had. I guess, each and every one of us had such experience. 

Living is a blessing. Thanking God for every chance to be alive each and every day. As I have said before, we never really know what would happen in the next few minutes. 

Living is also a responsibility. How you would be responsible for your own choices and decision. 

However, with the current situation, living in this world may not be easy. Condition change, people change and there are things out of our control. One of the most recent and more relatable to me, is the pursuit of finding true love. The search for true love can be a tiring and challenging journey for many. During your pursuit, you’ve probably tried several tactics to increase your chances of meeting that special someone. You try your best to stay optimistic while traversing the dating minefield, but with each obstacle you encounter, your faith slowly fades away.

You’re tired of going on date after date without making a significant connection. You’re tired of all the mind games and having to play by the “rules.” You’re tired of getting so close to finally making a connection only to be disappointed. Pretty soon, you run out of patience and all those insecurities from past heartache begin to rear their ugly heads at your consciousness.

No matter how much your friends and family try to console you, you're unable to see the light at the end of the dating tunnel.

You are tempted to shut yourself off from the world, slip into your PJs, indulge in a tub of Ben and Jerry’s and watch re-runs of "Sex and the City" while you slip into victim mentality:  Why is it so easy and effortless for everyone else? What if you can never have the family you dream of?

"How can I face my family at the next family gathering/wedding? What if I never meet anyone and I have to be alone for the rest of my life?"

and I could say that's what happened to me. I skipped all the gatherings usually when someone got married. I cut loose the connection I've ever had with my best friend who has girlfriend/boyfriend already. They are busy, I know and I wouldn't want to be part of them as another unimportant guest. I don't want to be part of the conversation about how they are so sweet of each other and how they are fighthing or even I am not ready to hear that they are going to get married. That's what I've been feeling for the past two months. It was that bad that my anxiety ate me slowly. And by doing this, I've been feeling there's something wrong with me mentally. Becoming like this doesn't let myself grow as a better person and it feels sucks. 

But that's when I realized, if you find yourself drowning in a whirlpool of these negative and discouraging thoughts, remember that what you're going through is a common experience in the dating journey.

As human beings, we deeply crave feelings of assurance and belonging. Every dating failure we face threatens the possibility of having these needs met, which then causes the anxiety we experience. Through this understanding, we should learn to accept our vulnerability and acknowledge our feelings. Ignoring your feelings or numbing yourself with unhealthy coping habits will only make things worse.

We need to treat ourselves with the same love and compassion we would show someone about whom we deeply care. This is a critical step because the results of the effort we put into changing our situations depends on how we relate to ourselves and our “humanness.”  

Once we create a solid foundation of self-love, we are ready to work on healing any painful experience on the rough dating terrain by processing the feelings in a healthy way.

Your emotions are a form of physical energy that flows within you. If you don’t consciously process your emotions, they will get stuck in your system and crop up in the form of mental and physical illnesses. For this reason, you need to deal with them in a healthy way by doing one or a combination of the following: journaling; speaking to someone you trust; attending a workshop, seminar or conference that gives you the outlet and perspective to process your feelings; meditate, or pray.

Surrounding yourself with supportive and positive people while staying away from negative people.

Keep the right perspective. Our thoughts are powerful and make all the difference in how we experience everything in life. You must realize you are the master of your thoughts and you decide what you stream through your consciousness. Shakespeare once said, “Nothing is good or bad, but thinking makes it so.”

Here's an example of how this can play out:

Fact: I’m single.

Your reality option #1: I’m single and I’m doomed to stay single for the rest of my life. I can’t ever seem to find someone I like.

Your reality option #2: I’m single and loving the journey. I know that with every step I take, I get closer to finding the perfect person.

Which one would you choose? Option #2, right? It’s healthier, more self-preserving and it also gives you the right kind of energy to attract better things into your life.

Ultimately, life is an internal experience and you create your internal experience based on the kind of thoughts and emotions you choose to have. If you choose healthier, positive and more inspiring thoughts and feelings, all your experiences in life will be infused with that energy.

You are the creator of your life experience – isn’t that a liberating truth?

Surrender to things you can’t control.

Sometimes, we need to learn to simply “let go” of the issues that bother us. By that, I don’t mean “give up,” but let go of the mental and emotional grips on matters that are important to you.

Most of us have this false notion that the more we hold on to things, the more control we have of them.

But, metaphysical principles tell us it’s the opposite. Not only is it unhealthy for us to cling too hard to our hopes and desires, but it also reduces the chances of it manifesting in our reality.

Do your best and then let go. You will know you have accomplished this when you feel a sense of internal peace and positive anticipation.

Focus on creating an amazing life as a single.

Once you have dealt with the wave of emotions, focus on creating a life you love.

To do this, you need to fill your schedule with activities you love and be guided by a vision that motivates you and gives you a sense of purpose. In this way, you begin taking responsibility for your own personal happiness and well-being.

Surround yourself with supportive people.

Having friends you can turn to in good and bad times is essential. Research has proven the high psychological benefits for having a support group for a source of inspiration and, well, support. If you don’t have anyone in your immediate circle, try joining a support group or hiring a professional counselor or coach to help you.

I learnt that you gotta keep some distance with your real friends and just "friend". I learnt that you don't have to bother what other people's opinion so much because they don't matter. Yesterday, I confronted those who has interfered with my mental health - those who always unconciously made it as if I am so low and degrade my pride. Admitted, if that bullying keeps continuing, maybe I will be very depressed. I am just afraid that I would be crazy enough and couldn't get back on track. And by doing that, I learnt to say no when you don't like things and you can't please everyone. So just be your true self and you should cut those toxic.

And, by following these coping techniques, you will notice dating will not become an easier process, but you will begin to have a lot more fun while maintaining a sense of humor about the bumps you face along the way. By learning to let go and accept the situation, you will learn how to have faith in things you can't control and let God do His best. Don't forget to always do something good to others because karma does exist. 

This will ultimately help you stay focused on the present moment, enjoy the journey of life and trust that whatever you experience is ultimately serving your highest good.

Maybe it's gonna be hard to tell my good friend about the hard thing I'm going through right now. That includes with my mentality, my rejection and how I cope living my life. So I just hope they would understand me. Or perhaps, at least care for my feelings.

Cheers ~