The phrase “let it go” used to really irritate me because I didn’t know what it meant or exactly how to do it. And there are times when I still struggle with it a lot. I thought I have been freed but not until I made decision myself last week, I think I wouldn't be free.
That’s some serious let go if you’ve never experienced it.
But the kind of letting go that involves a conscious choice versus a physical action, can be extremely challenging and scary. It can also be painful as hell if it’s not something you’re ready to do: especially if your heart and mind are singing two different songs.
Letting go in this sense is releasing all doubt, worry, and fear about a situation, person or outcome.
It’s releasing anything that disrupts your happiness and no longer serves you on your journey.
Letting go is a choice to decide that you will no longer ruminate on things that are out of your control, and focus on what you can control, instead.
Letting go creates space for fresh beginnings: stripping you of what happened yesterday, and enabling the doors of brand new opportunities to open today.
It involves much more than just saying you have let go. It’s an internal process that must happen for you to truly feel better and get on with life in a healthy way.
Last week, when I really had a hard time letting go and separating between what's on my mind and what I really feel, I finally decided to just visit a psychologist. Even though I knew the answer on my mind, I think I might need a closure, just a word from her to really treat my wound, anxiety, curiosity, anger and also fears.
What surprises me is that she could really understand what I feel. I know exactly that this cannot be considered as closure from him. But she told me, that things could work if you force it to happen. But what's the point of forcing something into your way? Do you want to make effort for the relationship when it is you, the one, who make the one-sided effort?
That's when I realize, what was the reason when I decided to turn back last time?
It was because out of my character. I do not want to chase someone just to make it work, but I am the one who lead the relationship and make effort to make it work. Never. I won't.
I believe relationship should be two sided and I want someone to really cherish me and our relationship.
That point really make me realize, that I really have to let go so that better things could come. I should really cut myself out of that unhealthy relationship and be on my own way.
Loving myself and understanding where I want to be.
That's when I feel calm and really happy for being free from the feelings.
It's not a complete closure I know, but I do not care anymore, because it's me who decides to leave, not him. It's me who choose to stay away from things that do not deserve my existence. And I really would like to thank my dear friend Hana & boss J who are by my side, supporting me to not giving up my life and believing that there would be more blessings in the coming days!
Cheers
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