Finally I Found The Answer

Hi everyone, welcome to the month of August! My last post was about three weeks ago, but it feels like months since I do some updates. First, I am really sorry I haven't been able to do a recap on what I watched recently. So many things happened. Work is a bit overload - additionaly with lots of activities which make me unable to start a new drama. I will surely do a review soon enough after I find a good drama to watch! Feel free to drop a recommendation as well :)

Second, I just want to give an update about my life. This evening, I've been reading my older blog post, specially on this topic Today Only and Finding Closure posted on February & January 2019 respectively. I remember myself struggling to find the right closure, even there were times I hope things would change. But thankfully, I think, I finally found the answer, which in the end I am sure, it's the right way, the path God wants me to take, to let me go through that period till I know what truly matters in the end.

I did meet someone who can see my previous life (not sure whether you'd believe it), yet she said, actually there was a red string between me and that person before - the one I used to write in my post before. She said, we were indeed a couple in my previous life, yet, in this lifetime, maybe we are only fated for a short period of time. And according to her, it was all because I am not making real effort to make things work and even though I did, it's only up to the point where he didn't see it the same way. Admittedly, I am afraid of getting hurt which people would see I didn't do any effort, but it takes a huge courage to really initiate a conversation with him. I know it was a baby steps but he saw it as if my response is just whatever. What hurt most is that early this year, he met another girl who's his previous previous life's wife and she's very aggressive, and they are fated in this lifetime to be together. 

To be honest, when I heard about this, it feels very hurtful, as if I didn't do anything to make things work. It was like all of it is because of my fault. One of the reasons why it hurts is because he said to me before that he would never consider to do a long distance relationship, yet he enters into a long distance relationship with his now girlfriend, while also posting about how he never thought of doing long distance until he met her, who is worth all the effort and all the wait. Bullshit.

Then, I realize, things are not like that. Relationship needs two person to come together. Fated or not, you still need to make effort to make things work and it should never been a one-sided effort, because a real feeling would never make you confused in the beginning. All would be clear and you do not have to question what you mean to him.

And that's when I realized, we are not fated in this lifetime indeed - not that we are fated but the fate is short. That just doesn't fit with what I believe. 

I believe if we are truly fated, things should flow effortless, no more confusing stage where I would question what I mean to him, his intention would be very clear that he is interested right from the beginning and I believe it should really be like that. I deserve a love that is sure of me from the beginning, right? And that's my final answer. 

Cheers.