我可能不會愛你

"你为什么不告诉我 [你爱我]
我是当事人。 你怎么可以糊里糊涂就让当事人被你爱?
你怎么可以爱我?!"

"亲爱的你， 请你原谅我 没有勇气看着你的脸。
亲爱的你， 请你相信， 友情比爱情更历久弥坚。"

"你怕自己会爱上他
你很可能爱上他了， 而你只是努力地不爱他"

"我只是想跟你说谢谢。。
谢谢你为我忙了一天
谢谢你为我做那么多
谢谢。。。
谢谢， 谢谢 [你爱我]"

Wings - In Time With You OST

In Time With You OST

翅膀 - 林依晨

Wings by Ariel Lin

你说会 带我遊整个地球

You said you would take me to go to the entire Earth

我们要在一起 直到最后

We should be together till the end

有你保护我 心都可放了

Because there is you who protect me, I can put all my heart in peace

手已牽了 天更遼闊

Holding hands, Sky becomes wider

因為有你陪 我的世界不再黑

Because of you accompany me, my world is not black anymore

我的天空 有你從此不再亂飛

In my sky, you will always be there and I won't fly anywhere

你就是我的翅膀 陪我到前方

You are my wings to accompany to go onwards

讓我學會了雨和雷後 一定看見彩虹

to let me learn about rain and thunder so that I can definitely see the rainbow

你就是我的翅膀 帶著我飛翔

You are my wings that will bring me to fly

累了之後有你為我取暖

When I am tired, you will be there to give me warmth,

讓我更勇敢 更堅強

to let me become more courageous and stronger

I translate this by myself.

Actually, I don't know whether I use the correct english words to describe it.

However, I am sure that the original lyric in Chinese is much more meaningful.

I love the song :)

Just hear it and you'd know.

The part of "We should be together till the end"

really describes Chen You Qing and Li Da Ren :))

49 Days vs In Time With You

Have you ever watched 49 days Korean Drama?

Have you ever paid attention with the relationship between Han Kang and Ji Hyun?

Han Kang and Ji Hyun are friends from high school.

But, for some reasons, they fought with each other till they haven't forgive each other.

At that time, when Han Kang wanted to apologised to her, Ji Hyun had already left the village and move to Seoul.

They met again when Ji Hyun finally has her engagement.

However, the day before Ji Hyun's wedding, she had an accident and the story of 49 days began.

She is one of the traveller during 49 days to save her soul and life.

She realised that how kind Han Kang is, how he cares about her.

Shin Ji Hyun had to live inside another woman's body and get 3 pure tears to get her life back.

She can't reveal her identity to anyone, but Han Kang did know her.

He didn't believe it at first that Shin Ji Hyun that he knew, the one who

lied on the bed,

actually in front of her with different body.

He realised that it was Shin Ji Hyun and he realised it all without Ji Hyun told him.

Han Kang realised it because he knew Shin Ji Hyun based on her attitude, habit and everything about her.

They are good friends, they know each other more than just friends.

Maybe, I should say, they are more than best friends.

More than a couple and more than just "love" between them.

How about taiwanese drama, "In Time With You"?

Have you watched it and realised something?

Chen You Qing and Li Da Ren are friends from high school, and they have been friends for 14 years. Isn't that amazing? It's between girl and boy, I think it's amazing.

Some people perhaps said that there won't be any "best friend" relationship between man and woman, but guess? There it is.

Although perhaps, they won't be best friend in the end. Hehe.

Chen You Qing and Li Da Ren have been friends for 14 years.

They do know each other well, opps, maybe it's TOO well.

Last time, Li Da Ren ever said to Chen You Qing that he won't fall in love with a girl like her.

Actually, it's just a lie. He does love her for almost 14 years.

He cares about her, but he can't say it since.....

Chen You Qing always believed that, "Li Da Ren will not fall in love with me...."

Because of that, Chen You Qing always said, "Li Da Ren is my forever friend. No more..."

This makes Da Ren to give up his feeling on her.

Once, he had dreamed when he was going to tell You Qing about his feeling,

You Qing suddenly told him, "Don't say it out, otherwise, we can't be friends anymore..."

This means that he is afraid that he can't be close with her as close as now.

I do hope that both of them can realised their true feeling.

Li Da Ren even said that,

"If... If I see the world that you see, walk in the way that you walk,

will it make me get closer to you?"

Yeah, that's frustating, but that's they way I know how it feels.

The relationship between Li Da Ren and Chen You Qing really inspires me.

They do tease each other, they do comfort each other and they do know each other more than they know about themselves.

I love it, I love the way they managed it like that.

The relationship that never ends, where you can give your best and don't need to hide anything.

I love the comfortableness between them.

Where they eat together, they play together,

they chat together, they drink together,

they support each other and they do love each other.

Material Queen

拜金女王 Episode 1

I watched a really good taiwanese dramas and it took place in Paris.

It's about a material queen, who wants to get married only to rich people.

This is the lyric on what her thoughts is.

"我知道你們一定很討厭像我這樣的人。但我不在乎。

"I know that you guys definitely hate a person like me. But, I don't care.

因為你要過什麼樣的人生﹐ 是你自己的選擇。

Because, what kind of life you want, it's the choice of yourselves.

就像每個女人都會遇到的難題。愛情還是麵包?"

It's the same for every woman, they will meet a difficult question, love or bread?"

Yes, which way you wanna choose, that's your choice.

It is also you the one who will gonna lead your life.

Actually, I've been thinking about that kind of similar question these days.

Well, I bet, every woman does.

Have you? I have never thought about "love or bread" before. However, it's true that love can't feed you. This means that sometimes, you also need to think from both side.

"當兩者只能二選一時﹐ 我只要選擇不太狼狽的人生。原因很簡單。

"In the hesitation of two choices, I could only choose to have a life which is not embarrasing.

The reason is very simple.

沒有愛情的生命﹐ 只是活得平淡。

但沒有麵包的生命﹐ 卻活不下去。"

A life without love, is just a plain life.

But, a life without bread, you can't even survive."

We've seen so many fairy tales about love. Sometimes, the guy even throws away his weatlh for the sake of love. I can give you an example, Secret Garden (korean drama). I really like the way writter Nim makes the whole story. I like how she can makes such a really lackable man like Kim Joo Won becomes so brilliant in my eyes. He dares to throw such a huge heritage only for the girl. At first, he said that he won't put away his hands from his wealth and status. But in the end, it ends up like that. Well, doesn't it make sense?

Both love and money should go along together. When you earn lots of money, but you live without love, then your wealth is not worth it to trade for love.

"是的﹐ 我不需要愛情。我只需要向上爬。

"Yes, I don't need love. I just need to climb up.

碰上了機會就要牢牢抓住。

When you find an opportunity, you will have grab it tightly.

沒有機會就自己製造一個。

If you don't have the opportunity, then find a way to make it.

有人說我虛榮﹐ 現實﹐ 拜金。我會說這叫做向上爬。

Some people might say that I am vain, realistic and materialistic.

I can just say that this is called 'climbing up'

我﹐ 林楚曼﹐ 28 歲. 嫁給有錢人﹐ 這就是我的選擇。"

I, Lin Chu Man, 28 years old. Getting married with a rich man is my choice."

You want to be rich, but does it really mean to be rich by marrying a rich man?

Well, I don't know how to talk about this point.

I'd be very happy if I met a man like William Norman, whose assets can't be estimated.

However, if he doesn't love me, then what's the real point for me to be happy?

"從小﹐ 老師就告訴我﹐ 做人要努力。 長大以後才會出人頭地。 我也很努力。

"From I was young, my teacher told me that a person must work hard.

So that when you get older, you can be outstanding. I also work hard.

就在今天﹐ 一切的付出贏來了終極勝利。因為我現在就在巴黎。"

Just like today, everything goes very smoothly. Because, now, I am in Paris."

I like this the most, to accomplish a great thing, you have to act and work hard.

No matter what, you have to work hard to achieve your dream. But, this doesn't mean that you can do anything to get what you want. Please don't be fraud! lol

However, my dream is not reached by having someone as my key.

I wanna success by myself. Success in my career, love and family.

"這世界上不可能有十全十美的事。那時奇跡﹐ 而儿我不相信。"

"In this world, there won't be a perfect thing. That is just a miracle and I don't believe in it."

I believe in miracle, just like I believe in faith.

But yes, I also believe that there won't be any perfect thing.

Nobody is perfect. But....in fact, I have friend who gets someone who is young, handsome, rich and kind. Isn't it the real miracle?

I wonder whether those kind of miracles really can come true.

"我只想要一顆人造加工的鑚石。也不要一句真心誠意的我愛你。

I just want a handmade diamond ring. I don't need a sincere word of I love you.

因為我愛你﹐ 是世界上最廉價的禮物。

Because, I love you, is the cheapest present in the world.

沒有ID卡證明真偽﹐ 沒有保固維修服務﹐ 無法保值﹐ 只會跌價。

There's no ID card to prove it, there is no warranty,

can't be preserved, and will only decline on its value.

愛情﹐ 只是氣味。終會灰飛煙滅。

Love, is just a scent. It will eventually be wiped out.

但鑚石 卻能天長地久。

But, diamond ring will remain last forever."

This point really makes sense. That's true, I won't deny it.

Love is without any guarantee, you can't even prove it that you love him/her.

It's just a word that can describe it. Maybe, now you love him/her.

But I believe that you even can't ensure for your love in 50 years time.

However, this is, again, like a faith,

whether you believe that such thing exist between two people who know how to cherish each other and put their true feeling and faith on it.

You may see it when you believe it.

"有錢﹐ 單身﹐ 年輕帥氣﹐ 又不是神經病﹐

Rich, Single, Young, Handsome, also not crazy.

這世界上﹐ 不會有這種十全十美的男人。因為我不相信奇跡。

In this world, there won't be a perfect man like that. Because, I don't believe in miracle. "

You know, this is what I always dream of.

That kind of white horse charming prince comes all the way to rescue me from loneliness.

I always thought that every couple, of course, has their own love story.

I also know some love stories.

But, do they really exist? Well, if yes, I really wanna experience it :)

49 Days - Life or Death?

Life or Death?

Sometimes, there are people who wish to die, while there are people who wish to stay alive...

Isn't it too cruel?! 

There are people who wish to live on, 

but there are people who don't want to live anymore.

Do you know? A wish to stay alive is really too hard to be true.

The more you wish, the more it is impossible to have it. 

I just realised how pitiful it is to wish for staying alive.

Perhaps, If it was me who don't have chance to be alive, 

I could trade something in return for me to be alive. 

We, as a human, usually will live in this world without thinking that we are gonna die. 

However, when you thought that you have your time limit in this world, what would you think?

I saw a korean drama called 49 days. I don't really know how I will describe this drama

It's really such a good must-watch drama.

There's a girl, named Shin Ji Hyun who got an accident and she is in coma, 

but the Grim Reaper said that it's not the date where she should die.

So, God of Death gives her a chance, a 49 days journey to get her life back. 

The rule is very simple, 

If she got 3 sincere tears who cry for her in her journey of 49 days, she will be alive. 

Do you know how much afraid you are when you are the one who is on that position? 

You only have two choices, alive or death?

It's a choice that no matter what you are afraid of, you only have one choice in the end, 

If the choices are about what candies you want, 

I think, you won't be that afraid to go on with your 49 days.

Shin Ji Hyun, such a really brave, honest and sincere woman went on in her 49 days journey and in the end, after going through so many hardship, she can live. 

However, her destinied time, which was given for her from she was born is one week after her 49 days journey. That means, she will die in one week after her 49 days joruney.

She can live on but in the end she has to die?! 

Such really a pitiful life. 

She cried and said, 

"Who should I get angry at?! Who should? No matter how sad it is, no matter how cruel it is, no matter how unfair it is, no matter how upset I am....there's nothing I can do. No matter how I beg for, this is something that is out of human's control...."

When she said something like that, 

I understand how she feels, life or death is not something that we as a human can control it.

No matter unfair you feel, if it's your time to go, then nothing you can do.

We usually live without think that we are going to die, 

but seeing her, with her bravery and her effort to smile until her last minute,

I really want to tell you guys that, although we still live on in this live, 

but we have to live as if it's 49 days.

Live is precious, life is beautiful, so love like there's no tomorrow. Live in this world without regrets and leave this world without regrets. - 49 days

There's someone who makes a brief thought about how 49 days was wrapped up perfectly,

Kang's last line in front of the graves:

"So for the ones living, let's gather strength from that comfort and live our lives putting in our all. As if our lives are like a compressed version of the 49 days"

The last ep can be seen as a farewell between the ones who die and the ones who live, and also as an elegy

(as ji hyun's mum said "it's as if she woke up to say goodbye to us")

In the last ep, ji hyun cleaned her room, made kimbap with yi kyung, went on a picnic with kang, and said her last goodbyes to her parents.In this way, she wrapped up everything she felt was necessary and provided them with comfort. For yi kyung, she discovered the key to yi soo's practice room in the box of things and she was surprised because she thought the place wouldnt be there anymore since it was in a demolished building. Just like her memories which she had locked away, the key opens the door again to this world and she discovers the bank account that yi soo opened for her. Through his msg from the passbook, Yi kyung is consoled in the same way that ji hyun attempted to do with her family and friends - yi kyung knows how much yi soo loved her and that she must go on. In this way, even after the ones who die have left, the ppl who remained living were consoled and were able to gather strength to continue living.

As i said there's also a take which made biblical references. Ji hyun's mission to find the 3 teardrops was compared to Sodom. Sodom was a city of evil which God had decided to destroy. Abraham asks Yahweh, if there are 10 righteous people in the city would he spare the city? Yahweh answers that he would. Ji hyun's mission to find the 3 teardrops is likened to finding the 10 people in Sodom in order to save it.

During ji hyun's 49 days, she realised that the people she thought had loved her did not really love her, and that what she thought was good will ended up hurting others. During this time, she looked for the people who truly loved her but also tried her best in trying to make up for the things which she had caused. These 49 days were not just a time for her to get her life back but a time for her to discover what life really is from a 3rd person point of view. During this time she was able to truly live, developed wisdom, forgave others and repented for her sins - it is as if this time was a time given to souls who could not go to heaven, to cleanse their soul, repent for their sins and pray for eternal life.

If 49 days is analysed in this way, then when scheduler was about to call the elevator on the last day, ji hyun had already completed her 'mission'. (This is compared to the 40 days during which Jesus was tempted by Satan and him having to prove his divine power) By that time, ji hyun had learnt to throw away greed and obsession (집착) and had been enlightened. So in the remaining 6 days which she lived, she is spreading the gospel to a world full of lies and hypocrisy.

The last scene with kang and yi kyung in front of the graves is also seen to do the same through - spreading a last msg to the viewers

credit to cecilia@soompi

So everyone, please remember that our life is precious and cherish your life.

Be a good children to your parents and love them like there's no tomorrow!

Xiamen Winter Camp 2008

It was around November to December 2008 when I decided to join Winter Camp in Xia Men, China for three weeks. I only need to pay for the flight ticket and all accommodation will be bore by them. So, during the flight, I met up with three girls who happened to be on the same room with me. Their name starts with, N, E, and K. N & E turned out to be my junior at SMAK 7 BPK Penabur. Well, maybe this trip is to run away from reality for a while. At this time, there is no whatsapp and suchs, only messages and phone call. So don't expect things to work like now. 

There are also few friends from Jakarta. One of them I met is A & J and I don't know their name as it was 9 years ago. There was no drama at first till it all started with a simple question, "Who is that girl?" as that was what Mr. A asked to N, my room mate. And it happened the girls on my room were excited to know whether he had some interest on me. K happened to be curious much and asked Mr. A whether he likes me. He said no at first but then took back what he said as "Maybe" which for K, it seems as a "Yes". I said no, because I don't have such feelings for him... 

Few days later, I remember N sat beside me and asked me whether I really like that ITB's guy.Of course yes, I like him at that time since he's my senior in high school and he inspires me much. It's been 10 years I knew that ITB's guy and we still keep in contact sometimes.

But things progressed in such a very speed direction till I question whether Mr. A really has feelings for me or what, because he tends to be closed to each and every girls, which made a big misunderstanding between us. We all cried that night to clarify all the suspections and I love it when things had calmed down. 

However, after few days, things going on different direction as K started to make things worst. She seems to be after every guy. I met with this guy, named Mr. B, which was very charming I would say on Christmas Eve. He suddenly asked for my number which I don't have China's number at that time and I would give Natali's number to him. He suddenly messaged Natali, a very long page, 7 pages. He said he's interested on me which sounds very weird as we only knew each other for only 2 hours. He said he likes me and finds me very attractive. Well, you think you are?

But as I am still unstable in emotional intelligence and it was my first experience with such direct confession like that, my heart was moved at that time. I thought, maybe I should answer his confession in a good way. I told him, I am interested as well, but I am not sure as we just know each other only for 2 hours. We should just let it flow and see where things bring us - which sounds like a rejection for him. But we still hang out together. He held my hands as we crossed the street. Seems like a pro right, for only 15 years old guy? Crazily, why I didn't say anything. 

But as the misunderstanding deepens, K happened to like Mr.B as well. Mr. B thought he likes K too and the feelings for me was like a Christmas Eve effect. I cried that night because I don't understand why things happened twice. So many conflicts and I just don't like it. I told Mr.A about it and was forced to not letting anythings bother me again. Just focus on the camp and be happy. It turns out K & Mr.B's relationship doesn't even last for long as K moved to another guy named, Mr. P. So funny right, like a drama. 

That night when we all had to go back to Jakarta, Mr. B came to my room and we talked. I explained to him what I really mean on my answer to his confession. We all took pictures and suddenly, when I said bye in front on my room, he turned back and asked me whether I had time. He suddenly pretended there's something behind my back and while I was looking away, he hugged me tightly. He then told me, "I am not a good guy, you should meet someone better than me." and that's where he is the first person who stole that hug. Damn it. 

But overall, I love the trip and the experience. Lesson to learn: never give your love easily to someone! Appreciate your life and bring out the best in you as others would be attracted to your positive energy. 

Hongkong, Macau, ShenZhen - March 2007

It's been a long time ago when Mom and I went to Hongkong for holiday. It was in early 2007, which is 10 years ago. I may not remember it vividly, but based on my diary, I would write it down here :) Have fun exploring!

Well, I am still a teenager >.< OMG

Day 1 - Jakarta to Hongkong
The street was so clean and I was in love with Hongkong City so much. We slept at Dorsett Far East Hotel. It was very small as it should be for Hongkong. We went for a city tour around Hongkong, visited Mongkok and enjoyed the MTR ride. MTR is like a fast train operated by MTR corporation. Same like in Singapore, but we used to call it MRT (Mass Rapid Transit). I bought a pink cap, thinking that I suit that model, which was far from looking good. I was wondering why I did my hair like that when my hair was perfectly straight. Gosh, that maybe what trend was...

Day 2: Hongkong City Tour, Repulse Bay & Shenzhen
We all went to Victoria Peak, had some fun with city tour which I don't know the name. But we took some pictures there. I think I had one with Mom and it was on my room. And that's when I realized, I never look good with short hair T_T anyway, at that time, that fashion and hairstyle is quite booming as I thought I looked alike with Angela Zhang :p

I think it was all my first time going outside of Indonesia and it feels amazing. It's all my first, including communicating in different language. That year, I love Taiwanese dramas a lot, thus allowing me to be able to communicate in Mandarin much. Haha I just don't like how I look like that time. So cupsss >.<

Day 3: Shenzhen 
Shenzhen is not part of Hongkong, instead of China. It's a big city, but way too dirty if compare to Hongkong. What I like about Shenzhen is that, the hotel is quite big. Mom shops for a baggage bag and well, let me show you what we got. Anyway, that bag is still in used even after 10 years >.<

Day 4: Windows of the World & Trip to Macau
This morning, we went to Windows of The World. It was like a replica of so many famous architectures around the world. At night, we crossed to Macau using ferry and well, I watched some kind of shows and also enter casino. Well, it was a new experience of me.

Day 5: Macau
We did some city tour, not much to do in Macau as the Venetian has not been developed. I think I remember we visited Ruins of St Paul but since it's raining, I don't take uch pictures there. Or maybe we had, I should check on files before.

Why did you take picture with this instead of Ruins of St Paul T_T

Where is your eyes? Gosh, at that time, I dunno what it's called by OOTD and suchs

Day 6: Hongkong - Jakarta
Back to Hongkong, we visited Lai Chi Kok for shopping branded items. Ate some noodles with ham which is far the best I've had during my stay in Hongkong. Not much shop we did as it was on public holiday and most of the shops are closed. So I couldn't buy clothes.

Overall, I think it was a very nice trip. It just when I look back to myself 10 years ago, I never know I I looked that cupss T_T but well, that's a part of me, right?

Cheers. Gonna visit Hongkong again after 10 years. See you soon Hongkong <3